Focus group cuts always are a bit longer than the final cuts: part of what this is designed to do is ascertain which scenes can be cut, and which parts of scenes can be cut. For example, the explanation of the Marauder's Map and the Stag were cut from Prisoner after the focus groups told them that they were superfluous. Harry Potter fans screamed, but Joe and Jane Public does not care about these things.

GAH!
Thats about the only major flaw in PoA and now it could have been avoided. Oh what I would pay for that clip explaining the Marauder's map!

It's interesting, though.
To me, anyway.
I'm hardly ever mad.
This is just scary.

Enjoy! Haha.

_________________________________________________
Brace for impact
You don't know what this house is capable of.

Blood will be spilled without remorse.
Telling smiles will greet your overconfidence.
There's something lurking.
Tell me, do you know fear?
The kind that wraps around you without announcing its presence.
This is my gift to you.

You will be punished.

In my time, I have met beasts.
Real, live, human beasts.
Creatures distorted by disease and torture.

Even they aren't as filthy as you are.

I find affection for the grossest of beings.
But you.
Are disgusting.
You are vile.
And I can smell your putrescence.

You haggard, wretched thing.
I wish I had words for my disgust.

I will destroy you.
I will destroy you.
I will destroy you.

Brace for impact.
You don't know what this mind is capable of.

I can play your game.
Scum of your level can't possibly stand to me.

You will fall.

You will learn to be fucking humble.
You will learn your filthy fucking place.

And you will stay there.

You will not come out.

You will not show your face.

Do you understand?

Brace for impact.
I'm coming for you.

Perhaps I have drank a little too much coffee but I feel a bit wired.  Which, incidentally is way better than feeling anxious which is exactly how I was feeling earlier today.  It's been a while since I have felt anxious like I have the last few days. I have an idea as to what some of the source of this anxiety is, but whatever the source, it doesn't really matter.

Still... today it occurred to me that I'm awfully bloody sick and tired of anxiety and panic.  There are days where it just seems to be too much, where once that fluttery feeling starts in the bottom of my stomach and I know what's coming... I could just scream.  How can one explain that feeling?  It's extreme frustration.  And perhaps frustration is also a bit of anger, for I truly am about fed up with how this nasty beast of anxiety/panic affects my life.

I want a NORMAL LIFE!  Damn it anyways.

Today as the anxiety washed over and over me, I felt like God has a sick sense of humor.  If someone had told me today that God only gives us what we can deal with, I probably would have turned and walked away.

I'd like to think that at the end of this anxiety/panic road there is something better, but I'm at this point not seeing that.  All I see is the way it affects just about everything I do.  I go to the gym early because there is nobody there then; I go to the grocery store late because that's when it's the least busy.  I plan every detail of my life to the nth degree because that's what keeps my anxiety level down.  I'm thinking there isn't much that I do that isn't built to accommodate the anxiety.

And it makes me angry.

I don't mean to be a pessimist today.  I don't feel depressed.  I mean, overall, my day has been good.  I have laughed, puttered around doing different things, but there's a part of me that feels angry and frustrated.

When I first started dealing with the Agoraphobia, Anxiety, and Panic five years ago.. or was it six... people said it would go away.  Today I'd like to shout at them how wrong they were.  But to what end?  They made their best guess based on the success rate of helping people with my situation.  And... it wouldn't change how I feel... nor would it change my situation now.

I don't know.  Today I just feel pissed at the world.  Not at anybody.  Not at anything.  Just pissed.  It's an irrational feeling.  Then again... maybe it isn't.  Maybe it's my right to be angry at something that has altered my life so.

It's not often that I speak of the angry part of my life.  Usually I find some positive thing to look at.  Usually I can analyze things so that they make sense.  I don't feel any compunction to do that today.  I just feel like being angry about it.

Maybe it's not healthy to always be so "PollyAnna" - maybe that's a form of denial.  Can't always keep these feelings pent up inside.  Maybe it helps to get them out?  I don't know... but I guess that's the way it's meant to be today.

It's funny... I don't often let this side of me show because I'm afraid people will shy away from who I am.  Anger is seen as such a negative emotion.  As a child I was discouraged from not so much feeling it, but expressing it.  My experience within the mental health system has been that people don't want to see it... hell, they don't even want to know about it.  Why is it people think if they don't see it, it doesn't exist?

Anyways.. I see I'm off on a rough and raw emotional vent and maybe it's time to close this entry... put the lid back on Pandora's box until the next time I dare to open the lid and let a little bit out to deal with.  Hey... if I insist on the Pollyanna approach - maybe I feel anger today because I am emotionally stable enough to deal with it... who know?

Bye for now.

My dead brothers birthday.

You'd think, you know, that it gets easier after eight years. But at the moment, I'm dealing with all the crap that involves growing up...and you know, right now that means dealing with all the crap from childhood.

And because there are like three people that read this, tops...I can say. You know what...I"m mad at God right now. And Life isn't fair. And I don't like who I am.

Those are all things that my head rejects but my heart keeps on saying them. I've been taught that these feelings are irrational and irrelevant.  Its not Gods fault. Life's not fair to anyone. And no one is going to like you if you don't like yourself.

Well, I don't care. Part of me blames God, thats true to me. And it pisses me off when other people can say "Life's not fair" cuz I've been screaming it in my heart since the day Nathan died. And people do like me...but I've never really liked any of them back,

So is everything they teach you about how you should feel wrong? Or is everyone the scum they see themselves to be when no one is looking?

I always ask these questions about destiny and who people should be, and there are never any answers.

Will there ever be?

Your depression is a self-defense of your organism and your psyche against the mistakes you make, following the absurd suggestions of the wild side of your conscience or the absurd tendencies of the under-developed human side of your conscience. In any case you have two enemies, pushing you towards craziness, since even the human side of your conscience is absurd.

There is too much craziness accumulated in the anti-conscience, the wild part of your conscience, and this is why it is schizophrenic.

The human part of your conscience was only partially developed. You have to help your brain reach a stage of total development that will increase your intelligence, if you want to use all its potential.

Translating your dreams according to the scientific method, you can prevent depression, craziness and suicidal tendencies before losing your mental health, and completely develop your personality, becoming a real genius.

Craziness prevention is depression and suicide prevention as well, since craziness is responsible for the existence of depression and all mental illnesses. The craziness accumulated in the wild side of the human brain and psyche is responsible for the appearance of all mental illnesses in the human being.

Therefore, craziness prevention is in fact more than indispensable for everyone, especially for depressed people, for people that belong to introverted psychological types and for people ready to commit suicide.

Depression is a self protection of your organism and your psyche, because you may insist on making mistakes, but you have to be stopped somehow.

Depression is a warning that doesn’t let you continue making the same mistakes and insisting on finding happiness this way.

If you live with the wrong person, work in the wrong job and live in the wrong place, you cannot be happy, even taking anti-depressants daily…  

Yesterday I wrote an article about the case of a young man that has a girlfriend without loving her, only because she loves him and he decided to “try her out”.

He was terrified with a nightmare he saw, where he was violently attacking a person that “he should love”.

In other words, he was exploding and hitting the girlfriend that doesn’t let him find the right person for him. This nightmare was a warning and a prevision.

You cannot make absurd decisions and expect to live “normally”, without being depressed like the dreamer of our example, who already has neurotic behavior.

Your depression will make you pay attention to all the mistakes you are making, exactly because you live influenced by your anti-conscience, that pushes you towards craziness all the time and that obliges you to decide living with the wrong person, doing work that you dislike, and live in a place where you feel lost, so that you may easily become completely crazy with all the deceptions of your life.

You may believe that your decisions are really the result of your own thoughts and preferences, however, you have an enemy inside you influencing your behavior and suggesting wrong decisions to you without letting you think seriously about anything.

You have to get rid of this enemy, before it completely destroys the human side of your brain and psyche through craziness.

You have also another enemy: your own under-developed, ignorant and selfish human conscience, that has to learn too much until it may be able to help you in life, instead of provoking you so many problems.

If you don’t pay attention to the warning given by your depression, you may simply accept the crazy behavior imposed by the anti-conscience, without criticizing it in order to verify its absurdity, or the behavior imposed by your psychological type, which is also totally absurd.

If you are not depressed yet, care about the meaning of your dreams without delay, so that you may easily prevent depression, craziness and suicidal tendencies now that you can.

Depending on the seriousness of your psychical problem, you may delay too much to recuperate your mental health or you may lose it for good.

Don’t let things arrive at this point!

Be prudent and prevent the worst, especially now that you have learned how dangerous, violent and evil the absurd content accumulated in the wild part of your brain and psyche is and how absurd the human side of your conscience is too, even though you believe that the known part of your human conscience is balanced and “normal”.

Learn more at: http://www.scientificdreaminterpretation.com

and http://www.booksirecommend.com

Click below to download your copy of the Free e-book

Beating Depression and Craziness

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Christina_Sponias

Love and Happiness for Life and Interpreting Dreams About The Person You Love, your bonus, are ready!

Find them at http://www.booksirecommend.com

Last days!

Submit your dreams while you can because I really am not going to do it for too much longer!

Go to http://www.scientificdreaminterpretation.com and learn more!

Somehow the heat's off Roddick, who in my mind is just a frat boy who somehow ended up in the tennis world. His swagger and bravado are unappealing and he's boring to watch. If you want to hit hard and not have a good game altogether, join the MLB Andy. They can be amazed by your 143 mph swings.

Who hasn't had a meltdown when you're stressed out and the pressure's on?  This is New York Novak, it happens all the time.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/sport/tennis/article4686441.ece

I was exited for tonight. I'm not really anymore. I just wanna go in my room and stay away from everybody. Ugh. In like half an hour, i'm taking the bus to town, and M's picking me up and we're going to S's place to work on her ''cabale''. She's running for school Sec this year, it'll be fun :).

Now i know for sure my parents are gonna put me on the spot at our next family session. Still thinking if i'm going or not, but, i might go. JUST because if i'm nto there, i can't stand up for myself and say MY side of the story. BUT, if they put me on the spot whatsoever, i WILL deafinetly let them all know that it'll be my very last time going. I will let A know, that they're blaming me for everything i'm not doing, but they're hardly doing anything they're supposed to either. I'll tell A that they bitch at me ALL the time and don't even listen to what i'm saying. I'll tell him that they just ASSUME that i'm eating and they can't just assume cause that's not fair for me! Weather it's true or not, they CAN'T assume!!

FRIGG. I'm trying my damn BEST to get over this. I cry at night because i starved all day, and i know i'm supposed to be getting better. I'M proud that i havn't purged since i got out of hospital, but do you think THEY would acknowledge that whatsoever?? NO!! They don't even ask!! A always says you've gotta aknowledge the little things, cause we're not looking for succes, we're look to try. AND I AM!!!

Thsi is FAR from fair for me.

I hate this.

If this is how it's gonna be, damn, i'll never get better.. No matter how hard i try, if they don't understand, nothing's ever gonna change.

Love,

a.

If there has been a basis upon which you can pursue someone for a criminal violation, they will be pursued.

At first this struck me as somewhat disingenuous. I must admit that Obama's compromise on the FISA bill really took the wind out of my sails. After vowing to fight against retroactive immunity for the telcos, he failed to stand on principle.

After thinking about it, I could see the logic in this, "don't punish the telcos, punish the one who instigated the act." This would be more in line with Obama's world view. I believe the telcos are complicit in illegal activities, and have a quid pro quo relationship with government. Not to mention the big party that AT&T hosted at the conventions.

At the end of the day, as much as I would like this all to be true, I think it is in conflict with Obama's message about ending the conflict in Washington. If charges were pursued, their would be all out war across the aisles. There is already so much animosity over the Democratic shutout during the Republican controlled years, which is was a reaction to the Republican shutout during the Democratically controlled years, etc., etc., etc.

I am torn between the idea of effective government and the pursuit of justice. Ultimately, if justice is pursued aggressively, publicly and fairly, it will win out. The question is are there enough people in Washington untainted enough to act.

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store

to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco

and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

Thanks Pam!

It is September, the month that ended with the beginning of the suicide attempt and the revelation. A year ago today I was floating along life's busy highway without any idea of the head on collision that lay ahead on the road. It was if my life--our life--was on a collision path with a semi or a train and there we were naively marching right into it.

A year ago my daughter seemed to be doing well. New job and stable in her life. No way did any of us--not even her boyfriend--know what was ahead. Then on that day, something went horribly wrong. Often I have asked myself "Why that day?" but there is no answer. The load she carried all these years, the turmoil, the pain, the sorrow, the burden finally built up and gave way. When it gave way, she just wanted to stop it and so tried to stop her life.

The scars remain on her arms. The sorrow remains in all of hearts, but we are healing. She is at a new job and today she is going to a local fair with us. The family is healing and our love has grown.

I will keep writing. I still want to hear from other mothers and from children who have been sexually abused. I still feel together we help each other and together we can fight to protect others from enduring this horrible crime.

I am still not sure if I was retreating or hiding by not writing over these past weeks. Even as I type these words, I know there really is no hiding or retreating for either my daughter or me--for none of us. When a child is sexually abused, it weaves into the life cloth of all who know and love the child. There is no retreat and there is no hiding, but there is survival, healing, and love.

FUCK! You know this is just fucking not right. Today is saturday and I'm exauhsted from my week of school and I just got up a few minutes ago at like 10:40. And immediately my mom begins reprimanding me, telling me to shut the AC off. Ok fine, I don't say a thing and I immediately shut it off. But then she continues and says it was in all night blah blah blah, you can just open the windows, (and if you've read enough blog posts of mine, then you know that my mom isn't going to say it all nicey nicey. It's brash and abrupt and with an attitude, you know like when your parents are yelling at you only this is my moms talking voice with a little anger mixed in). So I'm like 'Stop reprimanding me!' and she says she's not! And I'm like "Yes you are, you told me to shut the AC off and I shut it right off! I didn't have a problem. Yet your still yelling at me about it!"

So she says that she's just explaining (which is something she says she hates to do and then she says she only does when I'm like pestering her about it like "WHY???") and i'm like "I don't want you to explain!!" I just did it already! I didn't ask why! That's because I already knew why. So I fucking did it! Does she expect/want me to fight back?!! I just fucking woke up, what kind of damn greeting is that 'Shut off the air conditioner' and then even after I do it, she continues to reprimand. BULLSHIT! Ok so then she leaves the room and I try to resume my blogging about school. But then she comes right back saying (loudly as my mom usually does. You have to understand something. When my mom talks, its more of like an expectant instruction coming out of her mouth all the time, with like a little attitude/reprimanding towards me) Anyway, she's like "I need you to clean -- 

Me: Mom!!! I JUST GOT UP! Why do you alwayss do this!!

And then my mom up and goes out of the room and into the bathroom. That is SO fucking unfair because when she wants to reprimand me she can talk untill she's blue in the face. But when it comes my chance, she bails out. At least I have the decency (or rather no choice) to sit there and listen.

I just fucking got up, my mind is still in like LaLa land. Just because I'm not still asleep and my eyes aren't closed and I'm on the computer, that doesn't mean I'm wide awake!! She should know from fucking experience that she likes to put on the T.V. on when she gets up in the mornings, even if she is still half-asleep! She'll watch it, slowly coming out of her sleep. She even falls asleep to the TV!! If she can't sleep, she puts that on and after a while she's out like a light!! BUT NOOOOOOOO! Because its the damn COMPUTER, for some reason, in her mind I know she thinks it's different! BUT ITS SO FUCKING NOT! MY mom watches Tv in the mornings and nights, so why can't I be on the computer. For some reason she seems to take that as 'Oh he's wide awake, time to tell him that I want him to go do something now, because he's on the computer so since he can do that, he can go do whatever it is I have to tell him to right now.' I know that's what runs through her mind. Tell me if that's bullshit!! Cause I know it is!!

So now she's got to fucking ruin my morning, and ruin my day (because you know that the say, that having a good morning leads into a good day or some shit like that). AND I HATE IT! And I still have to do what she wants me to do, cause when she said 'I want you to clean--' and I cut her off, I think she was talking about the Turtle tank and I KNOW I have to clean it, for my turtles sake. That along with all the work I have to do for school. I can't take this! Only one week and I'm practically falling apart trying to deal with my school work, my family, oh yea and that little thing called sleep.

So I guess I might as well tell you what I was BEFORE MY MOM DESTROYED MY MORNING. I have to wake up at fucking 5:30 every morning to get to school by 7:30-7:45 because getting into school takes forever with so many people scanning their ID cards (So since school starts at 8, getting there at 7:50 will definitely guarentee that you're going to be late to your first class). And I get out of school at around 2:45 and get home out about 4:10 (which will fucking change when I have clubs and get out of school at 3:30 instead).

And I've already gotten a lot of homework and I'm exahuasted from waking up so early every morning and I'm fucking pissed off at my parents and uggghhhhh. So screw this. I was going to tell you about my teachers and all that shit but now I don't even feel like it. So the one chance I get to relax and actually use my computer for blogging, my mom up and ruins it for me. so thank her.

Schneevergnügen im Berchtesgadener Land!

Kommen Sie in eine der schönsten Winterlandschaften Deutschlands und genießen Sie Winterurlaub pur im Berchtesgadener Land. Lassen Sie den Alltag hinter sich und freuen Sie sich auf unbeschwerte Stunden im Schnee. Hier im Berchtesgadener Land ist grenzenloser Skispaß garantiert.

Berchtesgadener Land

Das Berchtesgadener Land liegt im äußersten Südosten Deutschlands und grenzt unmittelbar an Österreich. Hier befinden sich die Urlaubsorte Berchtesgaden, Schönau am Königssee, Bischofswiesen, Ramsau, Bayrisch Gmain, Bad Reichenhall, Piding, Anger und Marktschellenberg.

Das beliebte Ausflugsziel Salzburg ist nur ca. 25 km entfernt. Schon immer war es etwas Besonderes, in Berchtesgaden Gast zu sein, was vor allem an der einzigartigen Berglandschaft und dem unberührten Nationalpark liegt. Alles wird überragt vom sagenhaften Watzmann und gekrönt vom geheimnisvollen Königssee. Hier haben Sie unzählige Möglichkeiten Ihren Urlaub aktiv zu gestalten. Als Ski- und Snowboard-Dorado besticht das Berchtesgadener Land durch Vielfalt und Individualität.

Familien fühlen sich am Rossfeld, Gutshof, oder Hochschwarzeck besonders wohl. Könner erobern die Pisten am Götschen und Jenner. Mit modernen Beschneiungsanlagen ausgerüstet, bietet der Jenner als traditionsreicher Hausberg der Berchtesgadener neben gemütlichen Familienpisten und der sechs Kilometer langen Talabfahrt auch coole Leckerbissen für Freerider.

Entdecken Sie die Winter-Wunder-Welt bei einer Schneewanderung; über 200 Kilometer geräumte Wanderwege bietet die Region zu Füßen des 2713 Meter hohen Watzmann. Wie wäre es mit einem Rodeltag? Reservieren Sie gleich bei Buchung Ihren Schlitten (max. 1 Erwachsener/1 Kind bis Ende 6 Jahre) und sausen Sie die 3,6 km lange Naturrodelbahn hinunter, die Sie mit der Hirschecksesselbahn (Nutzung im Skipass inkludiert) erreichen (mehrmals möglich).

Zum Skireisen Anbieter, Kategorie Ski Special: Ski- und Winterreisen bei Berge und Meer Reisen

Shit gile ok.

So there's the girl Sha. I'll call her Z.

Who does she think she is? OMG. Please, tolong. Kau tak hot. Kau tak ada ability nak tarik attention orang dengan attitude kau sekarang.

1. Kau mengata mak kau perangai talam dua muka, tapi kau pun sama.
2. Kau mengata ex-kawan baik kau as a hypocrite, tapi kau pun sama.
3. Kau kata ex-bff kau perasan hot, kau pun sama.
4. Kau kata orang lain perangai childish, kau pun sama!
5. Kau buat-buat macam rapat dengan ramai orang. Sedangkan diorang tak rapat pun dengan kau.
6. Ini ultimate, ok. Kau DRAMA QUEEN, and I FUCKING HATE drama queens!

Ada banyak lagi, tapi kalau aku letak banyak, nanti blog aku panjang sangat. Sebab aku nak explain satu-satu points aku tu.

NUMBER 1
Kau mengata mak kau buat cerita depan orang lah, mak kau buat baik depan orang lah. Kau tau tak kau pun sama? Depan orang kau buat baik, but once that person left, even for a while, kau mengata orang tu. Sempat je kau nak cakap.

Kau ingat aku tak tahu kau ada cakap pasal aku? Even if no one told me, I would have thought so. Because if you could have done it to others, why should I be any different? Just because you always hang out with me? Ha ha. And a few people DID tell me what you said about me. Sedangkan bila depan aku, kau buat baik kan.

Jilat bontot aku sebab aku yang bawa kereta, kan?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NUMBER 2
Hipokrit. Itu yang kau gelarkan dia. Sebab kau kata, bila depan orang dia buat baik. Kau kata, bila dia baru jumpa orang, dia akan buat baik sangat. So that orang ingat dia ini innocent and angelic.

OK.

Mari sini aku bagitau kau satu ayat ni :
First impression kot!

You tell me you don't do it? You do it all the time. Ada je orang baru, kau tergedik-gedik. At least kawan kau itu tak menggedik dengan orang. Tapi kau menggedik.
Suara kau terus three notches higher, your giggles come out three times as often, and they come out at the most inappropriate times.

And please, at least kawan kau itu TAHU nak bergaul dengan orang! Mula-mula kenal, segan lagi. She KNOWS her limits. Kau itu?

Apa, kau ingat kau itu hebat sangat ke sampai kena 'ngam' dengan orang-orang yang kau baru kenal terus on the spot? Kau ingat kau siapa?
It doesn't happen with everyone, idiot. So why the hell are you trying too hard?

Macam aku, it took me time to become close dengan Pow, Bing, Che on. Sebab diorang jenis yang tak terima orang luar openly. But dengan Kaz, Bono and Azha, it's a different story entirely. Senang aku masuk dengan diorang.
One reason sebab the first group is more conservative, meanwhile the second budak-budak music. Lagi banyak kawan, lagi banyak lah gig.

Another reason is because I DON'T try too hard. I leave it as it is. If a person wants to befriend me, go ahead. If he/she doesn't, it's fine with me. I don't need to know everyone. I can live with what I have.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NUMBER 3
Kau perasan hot. Aku tak sedar benda ini. Sumpah aku tak sedar. Until tiga orang dalam hidup aku pointed this out to me.

Aku tak sedar and aku tak faham, sebab bagi aku, context "hot" means you look at others as if they're ugly, more of appearance lah. But they said, no.

Hot as in nak kena ikut sangat cakap kau. Perangai kau itu. Macam kau hot.
E.g.
#1 Nak kencing, kena pergi toilet hotel. Bau busuk sikit pun nak muntah. Hei, kau bandar sangat ke? Tak tahu macam mana nak survive ke?

#2 Nak pergi kedai makan, kena tengok dulu crowd kat situ. Ada tak cliques yang kau tak suka. Kau siapa? Paris Hilton? Mahathir? President North Korea? Cliques yang kau tak suka itu nak bunuh kau ke? Tak kan? Diorang pandang je kan?

Bodoh. And childish!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NUMBER 4
Ambil example di atas.

Because ada nya cliques yang kau tak suka itu, the rest of us had to follow your Queen's orders and change restaurants. And you call us STUPID for being grumpy?

Yes, kau ingat aku tak tahu? Apa yang kau cakap selama ini belakang aku?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NUMBER 5
This is one is somewhat like number 2. Trying too hard punya category.

Kau nak kena kenal semua orang. Buat apa? Seriously, buat apa? Kalau orang tu rapat dengan kawan kau, or abang kau, that doesn't mean dia akan rapat dengan kau. So tak payah lah nak cerita kat semua orang macam kau rapat dengan dia, sebab benda itu poyo. Serious.

Kau nak sangat kenal ramai orang, sampai kau tak dah tahu etika bersosial. Macam kau pergi Laundry hari tu. You don't have to tell everyone that asked for me yang aku bergaduh dengan Syam.

Is that the way you make friends? Are you so desperate to befriended BK that you have to tell something embarrassing about me? Or anyone else for that matter.

I remembered the day when I was at Jati with Kaz, Adam, Alan, and Ajin. Honestly, aku tak kenal diorang. So aku duduk diam. Unless ada benda yang aku boleh join melawak, aku join lah.
Tapi kau... Aku yang rasa malu untuk kau. From the stories I heard from you, it was as if kau buddies dengan diorang. If so, if you were really close with them, then why do you need to try so hard to grab their attention? And why grab their attention by telling something embarrassing about Kaz? It was funny then, but it wasn't when it was retold.

Trying too hard. Salah cara bersosial.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NUMBER #6
I HATE DRAMA QUEENS. OK?

Sebab aku ini jenis yang suka lay low. Aku bukan jenis yang terhegeh-hegeh nak kenal ramai orang. Aku bukan jenis yang kena ada gossip baru la ada conversation.

I AM NOT THAT KIND OF PERSON.

I don't like the spotlight. I don't even like it when my lecturers show my works to others. I don't want to know everyone. Sorry kalau statement ini poyo, tapi ia tak sepoyo kau.

Aku bukan jenis yang terhegeh-hegeh nak kenal ramai orang. Orang itu datang sendiri. Sebab aku hebat. OK? Aku hebat, aku tak poyo, aku tak terhegeh-hegeh, aku tak perasan cool atau hot. Aku tak bagitau orang lain benda buruk pasal orang yang aku tak kenal personally. Aku jujur. Aku tak ada masa nak kipas bontot orang, sebab SEKARANG BUKAN ZAMAN SEKOLAH!

Sebab itu orang kawan dengan aku. Sebab itu aku boleh ngam dengan siapa-siapa saja orang yang Kaz dengan Syam heret sekali. Kalau ada orang yang aku tak suka, aku buat hal aku sendiri lah.

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Lepas itu baru aku sedar. Kau perasan kau hot. Hot appearance lah. Kau nak make out dengan lelaki sana sini. Ada lelaki layan kau sikit, kau dah naik kepala. Perasan lebih. Lelaki yang actually memang nak dekat kau, kau tinggalkan. Nak bagi ada excitement konon. Sekarang siapa yang menyesal?

Kau jangan lupa, dulu aku pernah gaduh besar dengan kau sebab mulut kau.

Aku bersyukur aku gaduh dengan kau. Sebab Tuhan nak tunjuk kat aku perangai kau. Seburuk-buruknya perangai aku ini, Tuhan sayangkan aku lagi.
Sebab bergaduh itu, aku lagi cepat tangkap apa benda yang tak kena pasal kau.

Banyak rupanya. Entah macam mana aku tahan dengan kau.
Semalam aku terfikir, patut la semua kawan kau tak tahan lama dengan kau.

Hey, you're my NINA.

But even with friends... why is it that friends can drop friends SO quickly for a guy?! That is one thing I can't even try to discuss because, it still boggles my mind. I have no grasp on this subject at all. If you do, let me know.

It just seems that my life is always in a mess, that I make a mess, HUGE mess out of things. It just sucks out sooooo badly that sometimes I wish I was dead. Honestly, I am totally in no mood at all, though trial examinations are over and it is a weekend, but I am in no mood for celebrations of any sort. I've pretty much messed up my entire weekend and probably another person's weekend. Sorry, to those whom I have messed their weekend.....

I can't say that I will feel better after this post but at least I am doing something worthwhile right now rather than sitting around and brooding. Hopefully things just get better for me and not worst......hopefully.....

The cracks get thicker each and every time.
And it gets even more harder to breathe.
I just want one definite conclusion.
I'm tired of going around in circles.

So what's it going to be?

♥