_____

It is exactly 6:32am right now and I just finished writing this poem. It might not be the best one in the world, but it came straight from my heart.

I wrote it right after talking to Michael on the phone... I miss his voice even when I am talking to him. I love him.

__________________________________________

Dedicated to you my love...

_______

Why do I love you?
My heart cant decide
there are so many reasons
so many things I feel inside...

Not many people understand
because I've only heard your voice
it doesn't make sense to me either
but I guess it was my heart's choice

I wake up every morning
with a big bright smile in my face
because I finally found you in my life
and no one will ever take your place

If someday we change our minds
and our love decides to sleep
know that I loved you more than anything
and it was true, pure, and deep

I'll always remember our songs
our late night talks are in my mind
also the movies and all the jokes
all these things in my heart you'll find

You are always saying that I am your heart
multiply that by infinity and take it to the depths of forever
And I bet all in with pocket Aces
that you can't love me like I love you... NEVERR! :)

Te Amooooooo!

]]> http://blogandbuzz.com/2008/07/09/happy-flu/ Wed, 09 Jul 2008 09:58:04 +0000 sylvain http://blogandbuzz.com/2008/07/09/happy-flu/

happy flu

Click here to download
Vector Illustration : Darlene Sanguenza Copyright ©

i'm so scared to open up my mouth and speak
i guess for fear of the responsibility that comes with using my words.
words are so strong and so powerful
and i'm afraid of misusing them, of abusing them
of them being weapons of mass destruction in an effort to just provide instruction
or at least inclusion into the mass of thoughts in my head that run
cuz for real, who am i to be teaching anyone?
my areas of expertise are sheisty at the least:
i can show someone how to fall, get up, and fall again,
i can show others how to lose touch with close friends,
i can teach others to put themselves in dangerous situations
and have to learn things the hard way,
i can teach people how to live with pain,
i can teach people how to run from dreams,
i can teach people to put up fronts to convince others
that they are really as happy as they seem,
i can teach people to be numb,
i can teach people to play dumb,
i can teach people to love,
i can teach people to trust,
i can teach people to express,
i can teach people to digest,
i can teach people to accept tests,
i can teach people that they really are blessed,
after examining this list, maybe i am kind of equipped.
i just want my tongue to be an impetus for growth and not an invitation to diversion.
i want my tongue to be medicine for brokenness and ointment for hurting.
i want my tongue to be an extension of God, evidence of His miracles and truth.
it's done so much damage in the past--
broken hearts, cut people it claimed to care about
but now i want my tongue to represent a voice that represents my choice
to love, to build, to change, to teach
and to speak.

But I know something is coming
I don't know what it is
But I know it's amazing, you save me
My time is coming
And I'll find my way out of this longest drought...

It feels like today I know
It feels like today I'm sure
It's the one thing that's missin'
The one thing I'm wishin'
Life's sacred blessin' and then
It feels like today
Feels like today

You treat life like a picture
But it's not a moment thats frozen in time
It's not gonna wait
Til you make up your mind, at all

So while this storm is breaking
While there's light at the end of the tunnel
Keep running towards it
Releasing the pressure, that's my heartache
Soon this dam will break

And it feels like today I know,
it feels like today, I'm sure
It's the one thing that's missin'
The one thing you're wishin'
Life's sacred blessin' and then,
It feels like today

Feels like, feels like your life changes
Feels like, feels like your life changes

It's the one thing that's missin'
The one thing you're wishin'
Life's sacred blessin' and then,
It feels like today

Feels like, feels like your life changes
Feels like, feels like your life changes

(Rascal Flatts...again) ;)

moments we waste in anger and worries are actually moments of happiness we steal from ourselves.

the fastest way to make people laugh is to tickle and make face... but the most noble way to make them happy is to be ready to be sad just for them to be happy.

very nice :)

Woo woo! I will only show one, I don't want anyone getting too excited. I also endeavored on a little mini-project today. I have had a letter holder for a few years, and it is pretty cute, but a little boring. I originally liked it because it has three windows for photos in the front of it, but I could never figure out what to put in the windows. I wanted to do something crafty, not just photos. I finally figured out what to do with it. Here it is before:

I took a little sandpaper to it and a can of spray paint and here is the after:

Much cuter I think. The black and white inserts are from a really cute tissue box that I have had for a few years. It was such a cute pattern I tucked it away in my craft supplies and finally found a great use for it. Yay for me! I like how it turned out, even Tom liked it (genuinely, not faking, wives can tell these sorts of things) and we usually have completely opposite taste. My next project...staining my hand-me-down desk. It's cute, but not my style. This one might take a little longer.

I consider myself pretty good with animals. I am good with dogs, i love dogs, dogs rule. My friends rats are a little gross, but i can handle them well too. I can work well with them. But for some reason, cats freak me out. I don't know what it is about them. But the way they watch you and how their tails swish just makes me really uneasy. My mom and sister always tell me that the cat won't hurt me and i know that, but i just don't get them. I think that not knowing about their behavior is what makes me creeped out. And their claws are pretty intimidating too. But today, my older sister got a cute little 8 week old black kitty! We had to go pick it up and stuff so i got to be with a cat and i even held it and it was so not a ferocious thing that would scratch my eyes out! It tried to climb on my shoulder a few times so i have some scratches, but i'm totally fine with it. I kind of feel bad for my sisters dog though. The dog's name is Carla and really, you have to meet this dog to get it. She's so smart and she acts like a human. She's also kind of spoiled too so when we brought the kitty in the car with us Carla did not look happy at all. In back of the car sat me, Carla, and my sister. Carla was in the middle and when one of us would be holding the cat, Carla would move as far away as she could and rest her head on our shoulder. It was so sad! Then when the kitty tried to meet Carla, she just turned away. But i know that after a few weeks they will be snuggled up when the nights are cold. So today I think i partially conquered my cat fear. I haven't all the way because it wasn't a big cat, but it's a step towards being the cat lady too!

เราต้องอธิบายก่อนนะครับ บัตรเติมเงินของ dtac ประกอบด้วย หมายเลขบัตร (ตัวเลขที่ไม่ต้องขูด มี 9 หลัก) กับ รหัสบัตรเติมเงิน (ตัวเลขที่ต้องขูด มี 6 หลัก) เป็นไปได้ครับ ที่เราจะได้หมายเลขบัตรเติมเงิน ติดต่อกัน เช่น 6387 10218 บัตรต่อไปเป็น 6387 10219 ดังนั้น เราสามารถเดาบัตรต่อๆไปได้ เช่น 6387 10220 เป็นต้น ถ้าหากบัตรหมายเลขนี้ยังไม่ถูกใช้มาก่อน ก็เป็นไปได้ครับ

แต่ว่า เนื่องจากระบบการเติมเงิน ของเครือข่าย DTAC ต้องใส่หมายเลขบัตร ระหว่างขั้นตอนการเติมเงิน ทำให้รูปแบบเติมเงินวิธีนี้ มีลักษณะคล้ายกับการใช้บริการบัตร ATM ที่เครื่อง ATM อ่านหมายเลขบัตร แล้วสอดเข้าไป จึงพิจารณาว่ารหัสที่เรากดนั้น ตรงกับรหัสที่ถูกบันทึกไว้หรือไม่ กระบวนการนี้ระบบสามารถตรวจสอบว่าบัตรแต่ละใบถูกใช้ไปแล้วหรือยัง ถ้าหมายเลขบัตรที่เราเลือกถูกใช้ไปแล้ว ก็ไม่สามารถเติมเงินจากบัตรใบนั้นได้อีกต่อไป

สมมุติว่าบัตรเติมเงิน ใบที่เราต้องการเติมเงิน โดยไม่ขูดรหัสนั้นยังไม่ถูกเติมเงินไป เรายังมีสิทธิจะเติมเงินจากบัตรใบนั้นได้อยู่ ถ้าเราสามารถใส่รหัสของบัตรเติมเงินใบนั้นได้ถูกต้อง ซึ่งรหัสดังกล่าวสำหรับระบบ Happy Dprompt จะประกอบไปด้วยตัวเลขจำนวน 6 หลัก

พิจารณาข้อมูลเดิมที่มีอยู่จากบัตร 2 ใบ หรือสังเกตบัตรเติมเงินที่ขูดแล้วใบอื่นๆ ดู จะเห็นว่ารหัสบัตรเติมเงินนั้น ไม่สัมพันธ์กับหมายเลขบัตร และไม่สัมพันธ์กับรหัสของบัตรใบใกล้เคียงด้วย อาจกล่าวได้ว่าตัวเลขในรหัสบัตรเติมเงินนั้น เกิดขึ้นโดยวิธีการสุ่ม หมายความว่าต้องหาตัวเลข 6 หลัก เพื่อเป็นรหัสเติมเงินของบัตรเติมเงินหมายเลขใดๆ ที่เราสนใจ ตัวเลขแต่ละตัว สามารถเป็นได้ตั้งแต่ 0-9 ตรงนี้เป็นข้อสันนิษฐานนะครับ มันอาจจะสัมพันธ์หรือไม่สัมพันธ์กันก็ได้ ถ้าเราสามารถหาความสัมพันธ์ระหว่างรหัสบัตรเติมเงิน กับ หมายเลขบัตรได้ ก็คงจะดีนะครับ แต่ตอนนี้คิดไม่ออก

ดังนั้น เราสามารถเลือกตัวเลขแต่ละตัวได้ถึง 10 วิธี และ สามารถเลือกตัวเลข 6 หลักได้ทั้งหมด 10ยกกำลัง6 หรือเท่ากับ 1,000,000 วิธีเลย ! ในจำนวนนี้จะมีตัวเลขที่ถูกต้องเพียงตัวเดียวเท่านั้น โอกาสถูกต้องจึงมีเพียง 1 ในล้าน เท่ากับโอกาสถูกลอตเตอรี่รางวัลที่ 1 เลย

เป็นไงครับ พอมีหวังที่จะ hack บัตรเติมเงินของ dtac ไหมครับ เป็นไปได้ครับที่จะ Hack เพราะว่ารหัสถูกสุ่มขึ้นมาก่อนเราซื้อบัตร ต่างจาก ลอตเตอรี่รางวัลที่ 1 ที่ซื้อบัตร(ลอตเตอรี่)มาก่อนรหัสถูกสุ่ม คราวนี้จะเป็นประเด็นที่ว่าเราจะเข้าถึงข้อมูล รหัสถูกสุ่มขึ้นมา อย่างไร อืมๆ

In the end, it didn't matter that much. My tea is perfectly steeped, perfectly not bitter with a splash of milk just the way I like it.

Here are a few images from our very first evening on vacation!  Oh it was peaceful, relaxing, perfect (except we were missing daddy/hubby).  Here are my two kids during their first night at Nanny and Poppy's. 

So often and so commonly, I create for myself my own amusement, my own excitement, my own faith.  I don't have good luck.  Doors don't open for me.  I tend to have to decide where I want to go, and then break down every barrier in my way.

It's very un-taoist, I know.  But that's the thing; I wrote last post about the certain calmness I've been enjoying with my more penitent and humble lifestyle I've been living.  Being for others and whatnot.  I've been letting it flow, doing work that needs to be done, worrying about everyone else.

I felt better.  The last year of life was full of destruction: relationships, career paths, loss, grief, estrangement...  it goes on and on.  I made this decision to enter the military, start putting my genius to a real use, start bringing some kids back home in one piece.  When I went to join, however, I met a host of walls that I couldn't just kick down.

After a few months of beating my head against these blockades, I had to drop the issue.

Tonight, things changed.

I had a conversation at great length with a Colonel in the canadian forces.  I explained my situation, my problems, my reasoning behind joining.  I asked him, candidly, "Do you regret it, any of it, ever?  Making a career of the military, spending you time in this way?  Can you even regret it?  Anything you have done?  Most of all, do you still believe in it?"

I was just hoping he'd point me in the right direction.  What happened instead, though, is this man came to believe in me.  He explained to me the labyrinthine processes that govern admissions and promotions, in length.  He gave me specific, individual advice and a plan that I needed to get myself in the door.

But more than anything, he gave me his name to use on applications, his contact info to get in touch with him if I hit more walls or problems, and his faith in my motives.

There is no better feeling in the world than the knowledge that someone believes in you, trusts you, wants to help you succeed.  It's a sort of love, a sort of respect, and a sort of valuation all at once.

It's like getting picked first at basketball.

I could be in afganistan as early as April 2010.  Lock and load.

~ Driz

For the last couple of weeks at work, I have been driving and aiding on the summer school special ed busses. Those kids are some pretty awesome kids! And today it finally hit me, really hit me how awesome and special they really are. People make fun of the special ed busses or the short busses but let me tell you, the kids that ride those busses are some of the purest kids I have ever met. Yes, some of them can be quite a handful at times but I am so thankful that I have had the opportunity to meet so many great kids these last couple of weeks. Today we pulled into the driveway of one of the girls who has a disease that doesn't allow her to really be able to walk very well on her own, even with a crutch. And mentally she's not as fast or smart as other kids her age. But every time I see her and talk to her, she always has a smile on her face. Every time! And I have never heard her speak an angry or rude word about anyone or anything. She's not angry because she can't run down the street or ride a bike with the other kids. She doesn't pay attention to the people that look at her funny because she's not 'normal'. She has a smile for everyone. She's the first girl to get on the bus and she says good morning to every other kid as they get on and smiles at them whether they return her greeting or not. The lady that was my aid said she felt sorry for the girl as her father helped her walk out to the bus. I told her that I didn't feel sorry for her because she is happier than a lot of people I know. Even with the life full of hardship she's been given, she's happy. I think God put kids like that on earth to show us what it really means to be happy no matter what happens. We tend to complain a lot about the things in our lives that don't go according to our plan and we get unhappy when things don't go just so. Then I look at these kids and wonder how I can be unhappy about petty little things and they can be so happy through the handicaps they have been given. So my question is, who's really the handicapped ones? When I think about people looking down on them because they aren't 'normal' then I don't want to be normal either.

The only thing I'd "complain" about (air quotes because it's usually something people would be happy about if they wanted work to be less complicated) is that my patients keep getting discharged shortly after admission. In a way this means they are getting well enough to leave the hospital and either go back to their healthy life or get followed by a physician as an outpatient. But for one thing I feel like I'm constantly filling out paperwork instead of learning how to manage disease throughout its hospital course and I have less time to learn about a particular condition because there's always something new to focus on.

Still, I'm happy to be doing what I do. I wake up looking forward to work. I enjoy the fact that no day is the same as another. I'm thankful for the opportunity and honor to play a role in someone's life at such personal, sometimes vulnerable, times.

I can finally say there is nothing else I'd rather do with my life. Medicine is my calling. It brings out the best in me. Sure, its a sacrifice or time and energy and my young adulthood but its worth it for a lifetime of inner satisfaction and the ability to give back to society.

Just hope I can do more tomorrow. As one resident wrote on the whiteboard in the conference room "more patients, more learning!" :) Let's do this!

 Your ears will never get you in trouble."
  --  Frank Tyger

Do you ever speak before you think and regret it later? Do you ever think you could better at listening? I think we all can be better at listening. Think of some situations where you might be better or you may be learn something by listening instead of talking.

Are there any irritating people in your life that never seem to stop talking or there maybe some people who can be challenging to relate to such as an irritating mother in law an overbearing boss, coworker or simply someone wanting your attention. Instead of getting irritated and justifying your feelings and explaining your point if view simply use effective and short words and then wait for a reply. Keep the conversations simple and short but pleasant and friendly.

The true test of a good leader is being a good listener, it is necessary to develop this skill. When someone needs to talk, resist the need to jump in right away and give advice, just listen. It is our responsibility to control our tongues and give others the courtesy of our full and undivided attention by being a caring listener. We would like the same respect wouldn’t we? Everyone deserves to be heard and actually listened to. Today give thoughtfulness to others by simply listening to what they have to say.

The best way to make a good impression on someone new is to say very little and listen a lot. They may go away knowing very little about you, however think you are the most wonderful person in the world.:)

Susie Austin

I drew this.  Yep I did.  This guy I liked, liked penguins.  I wanted to be cute so I drew him a penguin on my computer.  And by draw him a penguin I mean I took the shape from a picture I found on-line and traced it into a different document then colored it in.

The next day i drew this for him because he was in a mad mood.

He liked it a lot.  I am the one on the left with the bow.  We both made it our background image.  We were happy together.  There were the first drawings I had done since I started to draw again on the computer.  These were done Probably around a month ago.  I like them

Time to watch Garden State and be happy.

Much Love,

-Me

Va amintiti de Songoku? Desenele alea de pe TVR 2 cu... ma rog, toti le stiu. Imi placeau si mie la vremea lor. Desenele astea, 'reintalnite' peste cativa ani, mi-au afectat programul zilnic. :D
Un amic (Manu, era in blogroll cand avea blog) a downloadat aproape toate episoadele acestui anime. Ieri ne-am hotarat sa incepem se ne uitam asa ca azi noapte a ramas la mine. Si de cum am ajuns acasa, pe la 11 fara ceva a pornit chestia aia, si nu s-a mai ridicat din fata pcului decat la 8 dimineata. In sfarsit, am adormit pe la 8 si ceva, ca nu puteam din cauza zgomotelor. Ma trezesc la 4, el pe la 4 si ceva si ce face? Se uita la Songoku. Pana la 9 seara. Da frate, 14 ore de Songoku. Dupaia ne-am dus la ping pong cu doi prieteni, Madalina (don`t kill me) si Alex B. E relaxant.
Mai bine nu exista Songoku. Acuma iar trebuie sa astept zorii ca sa ma bag in pat. Altfel nu pot. Pe de alta parte, am citit din "Dragoste de viata" si "Cuore - Inima de copil". Si mi-am facut curat in laptop. Si azi mi-am gasit un antivirus bun. Si vreau sa invat tenis. Si mi s-a marit viteza la net. Si am reusit sa-i imprumut cuiva un cd cu un dictionar. Si am downloadat discografia The Killers. Ah, ce-mi plac povestile cu happy end. =))