When The Gifted Gabaldón Sisters by Lorraine López opens the four motherless Gabaldón sisters live with their brother, their father and their aged housekeeper, Fermina.  Fermina is ill and can't get out of bed, so the family takes care of her.  Fermina promises that she will leave each of the girls a "gift" when she dies.  After she passes away, they all assume she's left them gifts of magic and they determine that one has been left the ability to tell lies, one the ability to heal animals, one the ability to curse people and the last one the ability to make people laugh.  The book is told from the point of view of all four sisters with WPA reports on Fermina's history in between the chapters.  The girls struggle and search for answers and at the end of the book, while they're cleaning out their father's condo, they find what they're looking for.

This book was just okay.  For me, there were elements of it that just didn't quite work.  One of the sisters' story is told in the second person and that really bothered me.  I got really frustrated by all but one of the sisters because of the poor choices they continued to make in their lives.  Because of the WPA reports, the reader learns the secret the sisters are searching for before they discover it, so the ending was anti-climatic for me.

Here's what some others thought:

Devourer of Books

Reader for Life

Literarily

(Chorus)
Come, come, come on
Bring out the magic
Come, come, come on
bring out the magic

It's much quicker than the eye
It's your mind and it's there all the time
Say good-bye this is tomorrow
Make your mind up not to follow

You can lead yourself away
Understand, you can have what you say

(Chorus)
You can lead yourself away
Understand, you can have what you say

You can stay with me now
And tell me what you know
You can stay with me now
And tell me all you know

(Chorus)
You can lead yourself away
Understand, you can have what you say

(Chorus to fade)

Ever since I was little, I started out loving magic. Magic has a definite illusion in it where the magician decieves people into that they have inhuman capabilities. I loved the deception when I watched it and started doing magic. Deception was the key idea to everything. Using deception, you made people believe the impossible and get to see the reaction on their face. I think this strongly connects with lying.

When you lie, you present material that isn't true, and you twist it in your purpose whether for good or for bad. I create so many lies and jokes that lots of people that knows me cannot distinguish between if I'm being truthful or just lying to their face. I am only totally honest to a few people. But lying goes back to that story of the boy who cried wolf. The boy lied two times and then, BAM, he dies cause no one trusted him. Of course the moral of the story is that you should never lie, but where'd that go.

In essence, the amount you lie also determines your trust. If you hear a girl that almost never screams, scream, you know somethings wrong. If a girl always screams at the tiniest things, then no one really cares. One time when my mom and I were driving home, we started talking about rated R movies. She didn't believe that you could watch rated R moves until you were over 17 whether with a parent or not and I told her that you could if you were with a parent. She didn't believe me and preceeded to bet me five bucks. I immediately agreed and she said that she would ask my sister who was right when we got home. Now see here, she didn't want to search online or go to the movie theater to get real evidence, but rather relied upon my sister because she seemed to never had lied to my parents before. If my sister said something that was totally wrong, then my parents would believe her, because they thought that her mindset was the most moral and sensible.

My life is based on lies because I find that everything around me deals with it. I play poker and love doing magic! Both involve huge amounts of decieving and acting in it. I say stuff all the time and then say jk at the end because it really isn't true sometimes, but then, sometimes it is. But then they can't tell that can they? By mixing up truths and lies, you get someone that can confuse you in a matter of minutes.

I think a great example of these lies is when i was talking to a classmate and friend of mine. We were biking to my school to play tennis, and he boasted to me that he got three 5s on the Ap classes he was taking last year. I immediately started lying to him that he was the only person who got a 5 in that class (it was actually a fourth of the class that got a five) that I knew of. While he started getting happier and happier, he asked me what I got and I answered with a 1. He thought I was lying, and I was, so instead I told him I got a 2. That seemed to end the matter as we made some small talk about other parts of life. After I got the lie to settle in a bit, I told him the truth and said I got a five. He immediately denied it and I bet him 10 bucks that I did and he accepted.

Now maybe its just me, but I thought it was amazing that he accepted. The thing is, if you build up a lie upon another lie, then it develops and they usually have to believe in one of those lies. If you sound serious when giving the untruthful backgroud information, then you use that to your advantage and can manipulate them based on the image that they picture it.

All of this lying stuff easily connects to poker if any of you guys play it. You see, lying is fun, you "honest is the best policy" people should try it sometime.

Winter 1581: a deadly plague outbreak robs sixteen-year old peasant girl Silje of all her family. Homeless, starving and shepherding two foundling infants, she stumbles through the corpse-strewn streets of Trondheim on Norway’s northern coast.
 
Heading desperately for the warmth of the mass funeral pyres blazing beyond the city gates, she encounters in the shadowy forest  one of the infamous Ice People, a fearsome, strangely captivating ‘wolf man’.  He offers help -- and she feels irresistibly drawn to him. But what is the terrible fascination ? And where will it lead?
 
Spellbound, the opening volume in The Legend of the Ice People, begins a journey that spans four centuries and interweaves romance and the supernatural in narratives that are passionate, earthy, often erotic and imbued above all else with a powerful narrative drive.

The first book of the 47 book long Epic-potential series The Legend of The Ice People opens with a chilling scene in Trondheim, Norway during a outbreak of the plague in 1581.
From the very first pages you get "sucked in" to this old[e] world and the characters that inhibit it. Strictly speaking, the language may not be great and "elitist" litterarians (I don't know if that's a word at all - according to the spellcheck it isn't but I'm using it anyways) may not like it simply because it's so darn... easy to read. The pages fly by and you can't help feeling for the characters and cheering for them to get through their perils.

Margit Sandemo, the author, has a very direct way to express herself. There's sex, death, bad guys vs good guys, love and hate raw to the bone. Not much "beating around the bush" in other words.
At the same time I can't help but feel this book (and the rest) can be great for young adults and teenagers as well. Yes there is sex, and yes there is violence, but the underlying morale and ethics is very uplifting and refreshing. I can almost bet that anyone who grows up reading these books will become a fine representative of the human species. That may sound pompous, but that's the feeling I'm left with after finishing the book. And the urge to order book number 2 as soon as possible of course.

Check out tagman press or amazon to order your own copy. Trust me, it's worth it.

Thanks again for reading. This is my very first attempt at a "review", so forgive the lack of... skills.

- abscondo, currently in love with the Ice People.

This was posted originally at http://witchery.wordpress.com/2007/05/25/prosperity-ritual-money-candle-magic/

The story is about a cursed family line in Scandinavia, starting in Norway in the 16th century during a plague in the city of Trondheim.
Recurring topics is said to be romance, magic, history, love, superstition, myth, folklore and so on. May not sound to out of the ordinary, but after reading the first 4 books I can't wait for more. This is not like anything else I've read, and that's a good thing in this case.

I will attempt to give a "review" of each and every book as I read them. So stay tuned if you're interested.
in the meanwhile, please check out the authors website for more info (first chapters of each book available for free) and the publishers site to order your own copy.

Thanks,

- abscondo

"I wanna be the very best / Like no one ever was / To catch them is my real test / To train them is my cause / I will travel across the land / Searching far and wide / Teach Pokémon to understand / The power that's inside / Pokémon! / Gotta catch 'em all / It's you and me / I know it's my destiny / Pokémon!" - Original Pokémon Theme Song

The precedent ameliorated our joy. Our football team sucks, and the band, having to watch defeat after defeat, began to detect a pattern. As we sat in the stands trying to amuse the crowd with our music, we felt a bit shamed in our hearts. They just didn’t win, and after a devastating three-loss-streak, we feared becoming apathetic.

As could be imagined, when we finally won, even against a pansy private school, we were content. We desperately needed an excuse to be proud, and this win was the very catalyst we needed. It didn’t matter, really; we needed something, and in hindsight, I can see no difference between any other happiness, contrived as it may be.

On the ride back home, Jay brought out his iPod-speaker set, and played, very loudly, “We Are the Champions” by Queen. The entire bus fumed with glee. We sang vociferously, “We are the champions. No time for losers, ‘cuz we are the champions of the world,” and it made us proud. Some of us sang out of tune, and most did not know the lyrics to the verses, but it did not matter.

And that is the reason that makes band the best drug. It is social, but it is accepting. We understand that we all love music, and we avoid judging each other because of it. So we sang, proudly, without any worry at all.

“Hey There Delilah”, “I’m Yours”, “Yellow Submarine”, and a few other pop standards continued the sing-along. What culminated our excitement, though, was the final song of the day: The Original Pokémon Theme Song. The band’s strong bond was exemplified in our knowing of the song, in our complete knowledge of all the lyrics.

There are moments of magic. It is when the world stops, and fixation on the joy of life overwhelms. It is when existence conveys pure color and blind happiness. It is when everything is perfect, and perfect encompasses all that is perceptible. It is when the daunting struggles of life fade, and the ecstasy of excitement illuminates the air. It is the momentary stopping of the world when pure happiness becomes the solitary perspective, and when joy and existence fuse.

These were magic moments — moments I will forever remember band for.

And then I caught the bouquet. I hadn't wanted it, really, though I had wondered lately, in the abundance of weddings that I've been a part of, what it would be like to catch it.  I wondered if it would make things feel different for me.  Wondered why people even care about the superstition of such things. Afterwards, that maid of honor disclosed to me that she had really wanted it, had thought about pushing me out of the way for it, but that it was so clearly only falling to me that she had to step back and watch the moment unfold.  The toss propelled it directly to me, leaving me wondering if I even wanted it, even as my hands were reaching out to receive it. 

At work then later, the chef at the restaurant I work at and a friend of mine sold a print, his first, to an amazing couple of men who I have been secretly loving so much from afar. When they left the restaurant it was as if they were happy because they knew how happy they had made us, smiling at us through our good-byes in a moment in time where everyone was just alive with love and hope and joy. 

It made me think of a some work that I had done recently, where the person working on me said that what I should focus all of my energy on was the thinking about just how happy I could possibly become.  That the happiness wasn't likely to end soon, and that I should focus on manifesting as much of it into my life as I could.  This seemed selfish to me at the time, as if I was secretly stealing this happiness from someone else, as if there wasn't enough to go around and I was collecting an unfair share.  But on days like yesterday, I knew exactly what she meant, like there was a centrifugal force propelling the day forward, beginning with the weather upon opening my eyes, and unfolding with the events to follow, leaving me wondering just how much happiness one little person could possibly contain. 

I was jittery at work. I could barely contain myself. I was an overflowing basketcase on the dance floor. Drinking almost too much, moving quickly with the energy of the crowd, as if everyone was collectively thinking more, more, more. 

Later, when I was asked what I wanted, in a moment of inappropriate and minorly hysterical drunk processing, all I could think, mumbling at first and then louder, more certain in my throat and then resonating through my body, was more, more, more. Before looking someone right in the eye and saying with as much honesty as I had in me, I want it all.  Because thats as honest as I can possibly be. I do want it all, and not in a way thats all i-want-my-cake-and-eat-it-too, though thats part of it, but in a way that I want it all for everyone around me.  I want my friends to have the perfect wedding on the most perfect day.  I want them to succeed and sell their art, and have the confidence to sell themselves, because they are worth it. And I want to be able to not have to reel myself in, making myself small to fit into this or that relationship, friendship, experience. I don't ever want to have to make myself small again. Because I'm past that now, unable for both reason and circumstance, to go back to how things were before when I would sacrifice everything just to feel something.  And now I feel so much most days I think I couldn't possibly contain it all, couldn't possibly keep putting one foot in front of the other for the sheer abundance of what is and what is to come. 

And I want that for you too.

The president is voicing the right sentiments, but nobody seems to care.

Read the full story here:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/10/10/AR2008101002555.html

She's a dirty rotten, no good little cunt.

She wants to be a boy or something not quite a woman or a man. She wants to be an almost emotionless automaton, devoid of feelings.

She leaves so much to be desired, she has negated me and pushed me away for the last time...trying to be her friend is a usless activity.

I don't like her bullshit mentality. She wants to sequester herself, run away from reality, not even take care of her son.

Her big plan is to run away overseas to do a Post Doc at some small Scandinavian Lab...or worse still in Asia somewhere.

Her major professor is a fucking globalist shitball...she's allowing him, as most grad students do to be his slave for his research. While the research they're doing has some academic signifcance...it's not very interesting and really is not going to cause any practical application...like a lot of research.

I don't know if she really gets this as she is so disconnected anyway...fuck her. What I wanted from her was to spend time, to get to know her better, to help her get out of her childish reality and into the adult world as a woman.

She could have had it made. I am a dynamic man, an unsurpassed lover, very intelligent and a lot of fun to be with. She's a fucking idiot.

In her most effective scenario, she comes to me. Apologises for being a cunt, gives herself completely to me, stops working so hard and lets me come inside her and feel love...

OH FUCKING WELL...

Photo by mandj98 at http://flickr.com/photos/mandj98/; creative commons license.

The Hunter Moon, the full moon after the Harvest Moon, occurs in Aries on October 14, 2008 at 3:04 PM Central time here in the Florida Panhandle.  Aries, as the first sign of the Zodiac, has its own themes of exuberance and fresh starts--think of a four-year-old boy who has no fear and jumps right out there into hard play!  (I highly recommend Gail Wood's The Wild God   (http://spilledcandybookstore.com/The_Wild_God.html) for a better understanding of personalities of the zodiac and how to use astrological connotations in your rituals and meditations.)  So consider this a time of fresh starts, even if you--like most of us--are a bit edgy over the shaky economy as you watch your life savings and retirement accounts go "poof!" like really cruel magick.

For those of you who routinely read my suggestions for meditations, you know how this works.  I share this unraveling of images I have just before a New Moon, Full Moon, and/or Eclipse and you're welcome to use what makes sense to you.   For most of 2008, I've been following this "story" of a river of emotions connected with Moon phases--everything from bridges over rivers to the structure that holds the river in its banks, to surfing the river, to becoming the river, to rising above the river in a parasail...all taking me "around the riverbend" to a beautiful new vista that is lush and green. 

And for those of you who have been following my personal life over the past few months, yes, I know you get a few giggles out of seeing me sail around that riverbend into an incredible new romance with an utterly surprising someone who is everything I have ever wanted in a partner and have never had before in my entire life.  Not that there aren't obstacles--boulders in the river--that hinder a bright future before us. 

Which brings us to this Full Moon's meditation.

You might think that, since Aries is a fire sign, that the meditation I'm seeing is related to fire but it's really more about earth this time.  About exploring how solidity can both help and harm us in this time of new starts and leaps of faith. This meditation started simmering for me a while back, and solidified a few days ago when my sweet Double Scorpio spent the day unexpectedly diving in underwater springs. I sent him a text message, asking him to bring me back a small stone from the springs, but I was thinking he'd just pick up a rock near his truck and pocket it.  Instead, he made several dangerous 30-foot dives to pick up a stone for me, a stone I'll be using in my own Full Moon ritual.

In this meditation, I see myself no longer sailing blithely overly the river but rather, walking on the bottom of it, under the crushing weight of the emotional flow.  That is, after all, how it feels when worry over money shows up or worry over the future with the person you love, isn't it?  I am finding huge boulders that the current of my uncertain emotions bash me against. Some are under the water and unseen, both by myself and by others, but certainly felt when just beneath the surface, I slam into them.  The jagged edges that jut out above the surface can often be seen and navigated, but some cannot.  We can't force the river to change course, but we can look ahead, squinting into the future, and see much of what's coming and prepare for it.  Or we can spend our energy in fear, letting the current carry us directly into the obstacles when we could be figuring out how to swim around them, leap over them, or grab something explosive and blow them to bits before we reach them.

In this meditation, I see stones under the current of the river.  Depending on the angle of where I stand, some stones look smaller and others look much bigger.  It's the uncertain emotional current that distorts their actual size, and once I emerge from the river's bottom, they are often only pebbles in my hand. 

These stones, this river bottom, these obstacles of boulders--these are all solidity for us to explore in uncertain times.  They may be obstacles to hinder our progress, batter us, or make us change course.  They can also be a firm footing, even at the bottom of the river.  We are pushed along, flailing, our feet searching for ground.  As I've learned from my Double Scorpio and his tales of free diving, once your feet touch the bottom, you finally have something to push off of so that you can surface.

So after the wedding, this friend of mine met me at our frequent haunt. I couldn't helped but laugh when he confessed to me that he thought the suit had magical powers.

"I don't understand!" he said, "This SUIT! I think it has magical powers! The whole night, girls were hitting on me and guys were buying me drinks! It MUST be magical." So, after stringing him along for a while, I explained to him that the suit wasn't actually magical, but the phenomenon it inspired was. I was talking, of course, about Suit Confidence.

Suit Confidence is that empowered feeling that you get when you put a suit on. The difference that a suit makes is incredible really. Wearing a suit puts you in the "zone"... makes you feel better looking, taller, more charming, wealthier. And when you FEEL that you CONVEY it to the people around you. Think about the difference in the way people interact with you when you're suited up, compared to when you're dressed down. Do you think that difference has anything to do with your actual personality? It doesn't. People are friendlier, more polite, and more accomodating because YOU are conveying a sense of importance.

So next time you're having an off day, put on the suit you just bought from SuitUpp and talk to the first person you see.

-Justin Pinstripe Samlal

There is magic in seeing the moon rise. It makes me feel old, like I've seen it a million times over a hundred lifetimes. Like a switch inside your head releasing a flood of memories so fast you can only grasp the feelings behind them, never the images. Everything is bathed in light and you are compelled to feel the present as well, remembering the past, and wondering about the future.

How the moon would still be there even when you're gone. How it was there before you were. How many lives and civilizations the moon bore witness to. How many more would it endure, how many would I remember in the next life.

Most of all it makes me feel human. In the time it takes for the moon to peep over the horizon up to a comfortable viewing angle I feel centered. Over all the fleeting memories and emotions under the moon's compelling light it is then that I truly know who I am and what I've been through. For the moment I am free.

-------
From:

Daisy: the personal zine. December 2002.

Barnes & Noble is now stocking The Soulstealer War on their shelves!

Very few folks in my position get to this threshold even with a novel that has garnered praise from the professional critics. So whether it’s to seek a relaxing diversion from the current headlines or to brighten a friend’s day with a thoughtful gift, I encourage you to visit your local Barnes & Noble for The Soulstealer War (they can order it if sold out).

With much gratitude,

W.L. Hoffman – breathe slowly, observe humbly, dream deeply and evolve.

http://www.SoulstealerWar.com 

Oaken become extremely angry and dangerous if their tree is cut down. It was said the when an oak is felled, it gives out shrieks and groans that can be heard a mile away.

Oaken also guard all the forest animals and punish those who harm them, such as foxhunters. However, they also possess beneficial, magic; the rain that gathers in their oak hollows has powerful, magical healing qualities.

The oak tree has manifold associations with fairies. The majority of fairies are found in woods and forests, particularly oak groves. Elves and fairies are often said to dwell within the hollow trunks of oaks. A New Forest rhyme advises to "turn your cloaks for fairy folks are in old oaks". The concept of tree spirits is ancient and very widespread. In Greek myth, dryads and hamadryads are the spirits of the trees themselves.

The oak is a tree that is perhaps more honored in lore than any other. The Roman writer Pliny recognized that the Greek drus, meaning "oak" or "oak spirit," Is related to the Celtic word druid. Some authors suggest that the second syllable may be related to the Indo-European wid, meaning "know," and the derived meaning would be "oak knowledge." It has been proposed that bard in Welsh is bardd. The Celts carved the grove of oaks. On the island of Anglesey there are still traces of the ancient groves of the druids. An oak coppice or grove near Loch Saint on the Isle of Skye was so sacred that no one would enter it, even into the nineteenth century. Oaks were often designated local meeting places, a practice that goes back to druidic times but persisted well into the recent past, with Gospel Oaks being popular location for itinerant Christian preachers.

   Wicca was founded in early to mid-1950's by a man named Gerald Brosseau Gardner. If you ever hear someone say Wicca is an ancient religion, they are lying to you, or they are misinformed. It is based on ancient pagan teachings, but it is not, itself, even a century old. An unofficial contributor to Wicca's birth was a women named Doreen Valiente, and Aleister Crowley was also a beneficial source in the creation of this faith system. Both Gardner, Crowley, and Valiente published books on the subject of witchcraft and Wicca. Wicca was formed as a sort of "spin-off," if you will, of Druidry, a celtic religion that existed more than a thousand years ago. Many of the Wiccan holidays, and indeed, many Christian holidays, actually originated as Druidic holy days and were observed by the majority in the gaelic lands.

The word Wicca originates from the Anglo-Saxon wicce, and meant "to bend", and evolved into the Middle English wicche, or from masculine Old English wicca, meaning "sorceror", or the feminine wicce, meaning "witch." In some circles, Wicce is used for women and Wicca is used for men. It is where the word "witch" comes from as well. However, it is also the origin of the word "wicked." Christians often claim this as proof that the religion is evil, but they are speaking from ignorance.

Commonly Asked Questions about Wicca:

Can people be born Wiccans?

   Nobody is born a religion. Your religious preferences are decisions you make only when you are old enough to understand the implications. Just like people aren't born Christian or Muslim, or Jewish, or Buddhist, or Hindu. You can be born into a family who is Wiccan, but you can't make that decision until you are old enough to make your own choices, and no one can make that choice for you, either. Neither parents nor peers nor any authority figure can make this decision other than you.

Is there a such thing as a hereditary witch?

   No, not in a literal sense. The term "hereditary witch" is designated to people who are born into families of Wiccans or other Pagan faiths who regularly practice magic, but it implies that only certain people who are born with the capabilities can be witches, when the fact is, anyone can use magic. It is not limited to people who come from a magical lineage. If you possess energy in your body, you are capable of magic. It's that simple. The only people who cannot use magic are dead people. Just because some of your ancestors did magic, doesn't make you more special or more powerful. It just means you might know a little more than some other people, in which case, you'd be better off to educate those who do not know as much as you than to try and convince them you're more powerful than they are.

What's the difference between "Wiccans" and "witches?"

   A Wiccan is a person who has acknowledged and accepted laws and practices of the Wiccan religion as their personal belief system. They fully understand the path and faith that they have adopted and do not falter in that. A witch is any person who uses magic. Witchcraft is not a religion. A Wiccan is a witch, and a witch isn't necessarily Wiccan.

Do all Wiccans believe in karma and reincarnation?

   Most, but not all. The most common view of the afterlife for Wiccans is a place called the Summerland, which is like the Christian Heaven. However, all Wiccans believe in the three-fold law, which is one of the basic rules of Wicca, and is very much like karma.

Are Covens and Churches the same thing?

   In essence, yes. The word "church" is dated to before 12th century, derived from the Middle English "chirche," and from Old English "cirice," and means "a building for a public divine worship." The term is not singular to Christianity, meaning that any house of worship can be refered to as a church. Pagan churches are also sometimes refered to as Groves and Covensteads.

How do I join a Coven?

   You have to be initiated into the Coven to join, which is not something you can do yourself. You must be initiated into a Coven by a high ranking Priest/ess. Initiation makes you a first degree Priest/ess (which basically means you are a beginner in Coven terms). Everyone in a Wiccan Coven is considered to be a priest or priestess, or in training to become a priest or priestess, as they generally do not believe someone else has to delegate between them and their deities as Christians do. Also, initiation rites are often kept quiet among covens, so information about initiation practices can often be hard to track down.
   It often takes a Wiccan a long time to find a coven suitable to them. If they cannot find a coven and are solitary, they will often self-dedicate, which is similar to an initiation, and attach themselves to the Goddess and God, or perhaps their patron deity, until such time when they have located a coven and are properly initiated.

How do I start a Coven?

   Well, in order to start a Coven you need, at the very least, a third-degree Priest or Priestess (otherwise known as a High Priest/ess). I know in movies like "The Craft" it was just four witch chicks doing spells to be a coven, but a coven is an actual religious order, which needs a religious leader. Just like a church. It's not a church without a preacher, therefore, it's not a coven without a Priest or Priestess, and you cannot be a Priest or Priestess, dispite what some might tell you, without being ordain by an actual Wiccan Priest/ess or Minister. You must also be at least eighteen years of age to be ordained (in most states in the U.S. I'm not sure about European countries). Only someone who has been ordained can ordain you.
   You also need a license to be a religious leader and to perform religious ceremonies, like weddings, Wiccanings, and funerals as ministers must do sometimes, which must be applied for legally. Covens can be as large as necessary, but it must have at least five members to start it (a Priest/ess and four to call the Elements). Many say that a coven can only have thirteen members, but that sounds a little impractical. It is possible to be a priest/ess without a coven, but to be a Third Degree High Priest/ess, you must lead a church.

What are the different Wiccan traditions?

   The Different Wiccan traditions are as follows:

Alexandrian Wicca:

   This tradition was founded in England by Alexander Saunders, a former pupil of Gerald Gardner. It differs from Gardnerian Wicca in that it incorporates a lot of Judeo-Christian imagery in it's rituals and practices, but like Gardnerian, his Covens only work rituals skyclad, and most of it's work is done in secret. Saunders, a self-styled "king" of Wicca, broke away from Gardner shortly after the birth of Wicca and has a following of nearly 500,000. Some time back, a tradition known as "Algard," a blend of Alexandrian and Gardnerian, attempted to be recognized, but the two traditions are so similar already, and it did not differ from either Gardnerian or Alexandrian enough to be declared a valid tradition recognizable by the state. The Alexandrian tradition, just like Gardnerian, is practiced in every english speaking country across the world.

American Wicca:

   This tradition, founded by a woman named Jessica Bell (also know as Queen Sheba) was another created by a person who has labeled themself Wiccan royalty. Bell often called herself a "Witch Queen". The practice within the tradition, refered to as "The American Order of the Brotherhood of Wicca," is virtually identical to Gardnerian, except Covens work robed. They prefer couples in their priesthood; husband and wives are encouraged. Wicca was not introduced in American until the late seventies, early eighties, and the birth of American Wicca followed soon after.

The Church of Y Tylwyth Teg:

   This welsh/irish tradition was founded by Bill Wheeler in 1967, and it's members are refered to as the "Gentle People." It's practices include teaching about the balance of nature, folklore, and mythology, and is recognized by the government as a non-profit religious organization in the state of Georgia in 1977. The Church has a close inner circle of students who correspond to an outer circle of students across the United States. Their Main Church is still located in Marietta, Georgia.

Circle Wicca:

   Jim Alan and Selena Fox created Circle Wicca in 1974, and it is argued that this tradition the most active for Wiccan tolerance than any other tradition. Their headquarters publishes an annual almanac called the Circle Guide to Pagan Resource, as well as a quarterly magazine called Circle Network News. It also sponsors many seminars, concerts, and workshops both at their base of operations as well as around the country, and at least a few times a year they also hold a special program for pagan clergy, and host the National Pagan Spirit Gathering every year on the Summer Solstice.
   Circle is also recognized as a Legal Wiccan Church by State and Government. It is a well-organized and dedicated tradition, with ways that are more like American Indian Shamanism that tradtional western-European Wiccan practices.

Deboran Witchdom

   This tradition, created by Claudia Haldane, has a very fairytale-like feel to it, as it is modeled after the story of Robin Hood. Coven leaders are refered to, not as Priest and Priestess, but as Robin and Marian, and their seconds-in-command called the Maiden and the Green Man. They do not have a degree system like that of a regular coven, but instead, they have "Apprentices, Sealed and Sworn, and Elders." It has been in practice since right around 1979, and is still a relatively obscure branch of Wicca. As far as rituals, Sabbats are open to guests, but Esbuts are private to members.

Dianic Feminist Wicca

   Started by Ann Forfreedom, a common misconception is that this tradition is limited to women and that only lesbians practice it. It actually is not a seperatist tradition and does have both male and female practitioners. It is the only tradition, however, to have all women covens. It is more common for a Priestess to lead a Coven alone than for a coven to be lead by a Priest or by pairs. Dianics center their beliefs only on the Goddess in worship. Rituals are done both robed and skyclad.

Eclectic Wicca

   Eclectic Wicca is not technically a tradition as it is taken up mainly by solitary practitioners. Eclectic Wiccans are non-initiate practitioners who either do not want to join a coven, or cannot due to circumstance or location. They often adapt different things to their practice to make it easier on their lives. The difficulty with this, however, is that some believe they can mish-mash a bunch of different beliefs together and still call it Wicca. Which is, of course, not true. To be Wiccan, one must worship the Goddess and God, celebrate the Sabbats, observe the "laws" of Wicca, and follow the three fold law. If one does not follow these guidelines, they are not Wiccan.
   Eclectic Wiccans generally do not join covens, nor practice with other people. Very few are ever ordained. Most worship either large numbers of Gods or one patron deity in addition to the Goddess and God. They generally do not observe moon rituals, but do celebrate Sabbats and family rituals, such as Wiccanings. Eclectic also rarely do spells or rituals skyclad. Often many will not refer to themselves as Wiccans, though they follow Wiccan philosophies.

Frosts' Wicca

   One of many Welsh traditions, it was founded by Gavin and Yvonne Frost in the early 1970s. It presents itself as the "Church and School of Wicca." It takes on students through correspondence. The Frosts published a book titled the Witches Bible that dismayed and shocked many, as the first edition of this book refered to sexual abuse of minors and made no mention of the Goddess whatsoever. A later revision of the book did reference the Goddess, but many who had been interested in this tradition turned away after reading the first rendition of the book, which depicted pedophilia, sexual exploitation and abuse of pubescent children during initiations rites in graphic detail, which has further damaged Wicca's reputation and concreted many people's beliefs that Wiccans are evil.

Gardnerian Wicca

    This was the first tradition ever introduced to the world, and as such, many Wiccan "Traditionalists" believe it to be the only valid one, sometimes with the exception of Alexandrian. Gerald Gardner launched this tradition only a few years after the second World War, and was for many years accused of inventing Wicca out of imagination and of having Aleister Crowley write all his rituals and taking the credit himself. There are several contributors to the birth of Wicca, but Gardner is, indeed, the father of it. Jane and Steve Farrar capture the story well in their books.
   This tradition, like most Wiccan traditions, worship the Goddess and God, and often hold the female divinity with more reverence than that of the male. It's degree system does not allow for self-dedication, meaning, to belong to this tradition, you must be initiated into a Coven. The rituals are skyclad and aim to have the same number of males and females in their covens, preferably married couples, therefore, it is less practiced by homosexuals (which is also due to the fact that Gardner disagreed with homosexuality). Gardnerian is the most common practice, perhaps second only to Eclectic Wicca. This tradition is extremely secretive, and most of it's practitioners are sworn to secrecy about the work and rituals.

Georgian Wicca

   George E Patterson founded the Georgiansin 1970 and, after being chartered by the Universal Life Church in 1972, became the Church of Wicca of Bakersfield. In 1980, it became the Georgian Church. Though eclectic in nature, they still take much of their practices from Gardnerian, and encourage their members to write rituals themselves and learn from a variety of sources.

Northern Way

   Otherwise known as Asatru, which is often not seen as a form of Wicca by many people, it was created in 1980 and incorporated into a church in 1982. It is strictly Norse, not Teutonic. They follow Norse gods, and are recreationists of the old Norse way. They do not call to the elements, but they do cast circles. It is not limited to family groups, however, and any person can join. It is not an initiatory tradition, and works strictly clothed. They observe the four Solar Fire Festivals, as well as any old Norse holidays, but do not observe Sabbats.

Pecti-Wita

   This Scottish Solitary tradition was taught by it's founder, Aidan Breac, personally. The tradition closely follows the movements of the sun and moon, and the balance between the Goddess and God, with special emphasis on divination. It is hard to gather information as the founder of the tradition only took few pupils and, at the time of his death, was not seeking further students.

Seax-Wica

   This tradition was created by a very popular author by the name of Raymond Buckland in 1973, and is heavily influenced by Saxon Paganism. It is not a recreation of the Saxon practices, however. This is the only tradition that is completely open to the public, with all of it's rituals published for anyone to see. It works both skyclad or robed, and it is up to the practitioner to choose. This tradition can be practiced both in a Covens or solitary. It closely resembles Gardnerian in most ways, however.

Kemetic Wicca

   Kemetic Wiccans strictly worship Egyptian Gods and Goddesses. Most of their rituals are taken from ancient egyptian magic, however, most of them still follow the Sabbats and major Wiccan Ceremonies, such as wiccanings and handfastings. This denominations is still relatively new and have not been approved by the government, so they are still classified Eclectic.

Do I have to believe in a God to be Wiccan?

Yes. Wiccan guidelines requires that you believe in at least two deities in order to be Wiccan. Wicca is a duotheistic religion, as outlined by Gerald Gardner when he wrote the procedures for this religion, meaning that both the God and Goddess must be acknowledged, in addition to any other Gods you may follow. Being an atheist just doesn't work within the confines of this faith.

What's the difference between a pentacle and a pentagram? Aren't they both Satanic symbols?

   A Pentacle is a five pointed star surrounded by a circle. Facing upward, The star represents the five elements; earth, air, fire, water, and the fifth, often not recognized, element, spirit, and the circle surrounding it represents how each element is connected. Facing downward, it represents the earth. A Pentagram is a five pointed star without a circle. Facing upward, it symbolizes the mother Goddess, downward, the father God. Even though those are the meanings Wiccans have given them, they have had many meanings and uses over the centuries. Now, it is true that Satanists use the inverted pentagram as their personal and religious symbol, so you may not want to use it as your own in an effort to distance yourself from the stigma. Not to say there is anything wrong with Satanism; their religion has just as much meaning and validity, and there is nothing wrong in their beliefs, though it does differ greatly, but Wiccans already have enough negativity to deal with. However, wearing either symbol does not make you a Witch. The only thing you absolutely need to be a witch is knowledge.

I know someone who says she is a Christian Wiccan. Is this even possible?

   Well, first, it's against the law (as in legal law) to be two religions at once, so that blows that idea out of the water from the get-go. Here's the problem: To be a Christian, you must accept two things; Christ and the Bible. There are several passages in the Bible that condemn witchcraft and sorcery. The best example and most well-known is Exodus 22:18: "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." Well, it's widely known in the pagan community that the translation for that passage is wrong. The original word for witch was "poisoner", so it should actually read "thou shalt not suffer a poisoner to live." However, even thought that passage is incorrect, there are several other passages that are along the same lines, and they are not incorrectly translated. For instance:

   Leviticus 20:27: "A man or a woman who is a medium or who has familiar spirits, shall surely be put to death; they shall stone them with stones. Their blood shall be upon them."
   Deuteronomy 18:10-14: "There shall not be found among you anyone who makes his son or his daughter pass through fire, or one who practices witchcraft, or a soothsayer, or one who interprets omens, or a sorcerer, or one who conjures spells, or a medium, or a spiritist, or one who calls upon the dead. For all who do these things are an abomination to the Lord, and because of these abominations the Lord your god drives them out from before you. You shall be blameless before the Lord your God. For these nations which you will dispossess listened to soothsayers and diviners; but as for you, the Lord your God has not appointed as such for you."
    Jeremiah 27:9: "Therefore do not listen to your prophets, your diviners, your dreamers, your soothsayers, or your sorcerers, who speak to you, saying 'you shall not follow the king of Babylon'."
   Revelations 22:15: "But outside are dogs and sorcerers and sexually immoral and murderers and idolaters and whoever loves and practices a lie."
   Numbers 23:23: "For there is no sorcery against Jacob, nor is there any divination in Israel."
   Galations 5:19-21: " Now the works of the flesh are evident, and they are adultery, fornication, uncleanliness, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissentions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like, of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in the past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God."
   Ezekiel 13:18: "And say, 'thus says the Lord God: "Woe to the women who sew magic charms on their sleeves and make veils for the heads of people of every height to hunt souls! Will you hunt the souls of my people, and keep yourselves alive"?"
   1 Samuel 15:23: For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry, because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He also has rejected you from being king."

   There are more passages, but to list them would take up quite a bit of space. The point is, to be Wiccan, you would have to ignore these passages, but to do so would mean that there are some parts of the bible you do not take seriously. To reject one part of the bible is to reject it all. Ask any priest. Also, to reject the bible is to reject Christ. Says so right in the Bible.
   Now, let's ignore that whole schpeel, and look at it from both a practical and political point of view. As a Wiccan, there are a lot of things that one is more tolerant of than a Christian would be. There are many political views that are incredibly different between the two faiths, which include gay rights, sexual liberties, war, abortion, suicide, marriage, and quite a few other things. There are things that Christians are vehemently opposed to of which Wiccans are much more accepting and supportive. One example is homosexuality. Wiccans believe that being gay is just as natural as being a heterosexual, and that it is not something you choose to be. In fact, there are a great deal of books dedicated to gay witchcraft.
   Let's examine this from a spiritual point of view. In order to be Christian, you obviously must believe in Christ, but simply believing in Christ doesn't make you a Christian. Hell, I believe Christ existed, and I'm an Athiest. There is no reason why you can't believe in Christ while being a Wiccan, and vice versa. You can believe in Christ, throw away the Bible, and live as a happy Wiccan, but that ultimately means you are not Christian. You can be a Wiccan with Christian philosophies, or a Christian with pagan philosophies, but you cannot be both. End of story.

   So, that is the study I conducted. Many people who practice Wicca will find this old news. Opinions on much of what I descovered vary greatly, so a lot of this is up to interpretation, as most religious philosophies are. Take what you will from it.

That's pretty amazing, who knew he could do that? You're looking at the magician who could be the future President of the U.S. Hmmm...

Ansonsten habe ich ein paar Artikel gelesen und will Euch ein paar meienr Gedanken dazu mitteilen. Ich poste diesen Beitrag hier, ebenso wie folgende, die sich mit dem Blick auf Magic-Artikel befassen, weiterhin in der bisherigen Rubrik "Wochenrückblick", die ich zu diesem Zweck in "Rückschau" umbenenne.

(Nachtrag: Aus irgendeinem Grund erlaubt mir Wordpress zur Zeit nicht, diese Kategorie umzubenennen, also habe ich eben eine neue eingerichtet, und die alte als Unterkategorie davon definiert - DAS geht! Technik ist doch etwas Merkwürdiges...)

Trash schmeichelt mir (möglicherweise nicht völlig ironiefrei) im ersten Teil seines Limited-Review zu Shards of Alara dadurch, dass er sich mehrfach ausdrücklich auf mich bezieht! Dabei stelle ich fest, dass ich als Lieferant einer "super Idee" Andi bin, als Urheber eines Gedanken, der "eigentlich Quatsch" ist, Pischner, und ansonsten einfach AP. Wie meinte meine Freundin doch: "Wenn er Dich jetzt noch einmal Zeromant nennt, dann verarscht er Dich!" Na, da bin ich dann wohl noch einmal davon gekommen...

Es freut mich jedenfalls, dass er von der Aufteilung nach Farben abgekommen ist! Wenn er dann die Commons noch einmal zweiteilt, nun gut, dann ist die Aufteilung nach Kretauren und anderem gewiss das Sinnvollste. (Die alphabetsche Unterordnung wiederum ist unsinnig - hier wäre eine Aufteilung nach Farben, oder vielleicht sogar noch besser nach Manakosten, gewiss praktischer gewesen!)

Trashs Hauptschwäche ist wieder einmal, dass er eine bestimmte Vorstellung davon hat, wie seine Decks aussehen müssen, und dass er alles, was damit nicht zusammen geht, abwertet. Elvish Visionary ist ein Paradebeispiel dafür, das gewiss in einer Tradition mit Raise the Alarm steht (dem Uraltthema): 1/1er, die einen weniger als eine Karte kosten, sind durchaus nützlich! Der Visionary ist exzellentes Devour-Futter, findet durchaus auch einiges zu blocken (insbesondere Dregscape Zombie und Jhessian Lookout, die wegen ihrer geringen Farbanforderungen beliebte 2-Drops darstellen) und kann auch zusammen mit einer anderen Kreatur beim Blocken einen Größenunterschied wettmachen. Für eine Karte, die einen nur eine halbe Karte kostet, ist das absolut okay!

Eine andere Schwäche von ihm ist, dass er unerwünschte Karten oft zu gründlich abqualifiziert. Nein, ich WILL Steelclad Serpent auch nicht unbedingt im Deck haben! Aber wenn ich eine Kreatur benötige, die in meinem Esper- oder Bant-Deck den Boden dicht macht, während ich meinen Gegner mit Exalted und Fliegern beharke, dann ist die Serpent nun einmal eine akzeptable Notlösung, die sich den meisten Fatties erfolgreich in den Weg stellen kann und in Esper den zusätzlichen Vorteil ihrer Artefaktsynergien besitzt.

Andere Opfer seiner verengten Sichtweise sind wohl Windwright Mage (der gewiss "Play sehen" wird), Waveskimmer Aven (weder ein 2/4 Blocker mit Reach und Exalted, noch ein 3/5 Angreifer mit Flying scheinen mir ein schlechter Deal zu sein - im Gegenteil ist ein Flyer außerhalb von Branching Bolt Reichweite sogar ganz besonders wertvoll!) und Thorn-Thrash Viashino (da Trash Elvish Visionary bereits abgewertet hat, wird er vermutlich auch nichts Gutes über Dragon Fodder sagen).

Was ist mir noch aufgefallen? Dass Sighted-Caste Sorcerer seine Shroud-Fähigkeit zum Schutz vor Pingern hat, ist im Forum schon angesprochen worden. Eigentlich gefiel mir der auch nicht wirklich, im Gegensatz zu Guardians of Akrasa und Court Archers, aber andererseits sehe ich gerade, dass Ari Lax den Final Draft eines 120-Leute-PTQ mit 4 Kopien davon gewonnen hat, also ist er wohl doch ziemlich gut, und Outrider of Jhess kann dann auch nicht allzu schlecht sein! Deathgreeter hätte Trash bestimmt positiver besprochen, wenn er das Devour-Deck mit Hissing Iguanar bereits gekannt hätte (der Greeter ist sowohl gut darin als auch dagegen).

Bei Etherium Sculptor hat er ausgerechnet Sanctum Gargoyle nicht erwähnt, die mit ihm nicht nur als 2/3 Flyer in Runde 3 gespielt werden kann, sondern der der Sculptor vor allem in späteren Runden ZWEI Mana spart, wenn man nämlich das von ihr wieder geholte Artefakt gleich wieder ausspielt! Ach ja, und da niemand außer den Esper-Draftern dieses Ding haben will, kann man auch genug einsammeln, um absolut brokene Starts mit Obelisken hinzulegen, was wiederum bedeutet, dass Esper-Decks Manfixing für Splashs zur Verfügung haben, von dem nichtgrüne Decks sonst nur träumen können! Ach ja, und auch Steelclad Serpent ist mit dem Sculptor gleich viel spielbarer...

Ach ja - der größte Blödsinn steht vielleicht beim Skeletal Kathari: "Und zwischen zwei und drei Toughness gibt es in der aktuellen Removal-Situation eh kaum einen Unterschied." Au weia! Magma Spray existiert, und Jund Charm sieht man bei 3 Boostern aus einer Edition mit 60 Uncommons auch nicht allzu selten. Viel schwerer wiegt aber, dass die allermeisten Flieger in diesem Format eine Power von 2 besitzen, und dass man mit einem Cloudheath Drake zum Beispiel auch einmal eine Runde gegnerische Bären blocken kann (was man aus Tempogründen trotz möglichem Trick des Gegners oft auch tun wird), und mit dem Kathari eben nicht. Tatsächlich ist der Kathari meiner Ansicht nach eine Karte auf ähnlichem Niveau wie der Dreg Reaver  - nicht wirklich 5 Mana wert, aber wenn man ihn braucht, braucht man ihn halt - während ich den Cloudheath Drake eigentlich immer im Deck sehe.

Alles in allem ist es für eine Limited-Analyse von Shards noch früh genug, dass auch Trash noch Fehler machen darf, aber da er ja immer den Anspruch für sich erhebt, das Format bereits vollständig durchanalysiert zu haben, wird er diesem wieder einmal nicht gerecht. Wenn man das aber einmal außen vorlässt, kann man mit seiner gut strukturierten, gefällig geschriebenen und einigermaßen aufschlußreichen Limited-Analyse zufrieden sein.

Dann ist da Falko Görres' Artikel über die Nationals in Dänemark und Schweden. Zwei Dinge bringen mich da ins Grübeln: "ich kann gerne als Judge arbeiten, wenn ich es nicht schaffe, mich über die Grinder noch zu qualifizieren" als Aussage, die Falko dazu veranlasst, die entsprechenden Judges nicht zu berücksichtigen, da er "nur Leute annehmen wollte, die auch wirklich all ihren Elan in die Vorbereitung als Schiedsrichter stecken", und "I only have two L1s and three L0s for Swedish Nationals" von Johanna Virtanen, deren Seufzer dazu führte, dass Falko nach Stockholm eingeflogen wurde.

Warum eigentlich sollte ein Level 1 all seinen Elan in die Vorbereitung als Schiedsricher stecken? Wie viel kriegt man denn da bezahlt? Ach ja - richtig: Die Einstellung von Wizards war ja schon immer, dass es eine EHRE ist, judgen zu dürfen! Bei großen Turnieren zeigen sie Judges ihre Wertschätzung ja teilweise dadurch, dass sie ihnen zwar eine Unterkunft bieten, aber nicht die Anreise bezahlen...

Ich bin mir, ehrlich gesagt, nicht so recht schlüssig, ob ich jetzt Schadenfreude empfinden soll, dass Wizards offenbar so langsam die Quittung dafür bekommen, dass sie Judges seit vielen Jahren verarschen, oder ob ich traurig sein soll, dass mit dem fehlenden Enthusiasmus von Schiedsrichterseite die RL-Turniere einen weiteren Schritt in Richtung Versenkung machen.

Zum eigentlichen Inhalt des Artikels fiel mir dieses hier auf: "während des ersten Boosters des ersten Drafts machten uns einige Spieler darauf aufmerksam, dass in ihrem Shadowmoor-Booster eine Eventide-Karte war! Wir entschieden uns dafür, diese Karten durch Shadowmoor-Karten der gleichen Seltenheit zu ersetzen und diese neue Karte allen Spielern zu zeigen, die aus dem Booster vorher schon gepickt hatten." Was für eine bescheuerte Lösung ist DAS denn? Steckt man da halt einfach zufällig einen Burn Trail in den Booster - na dann hat halt jemand Glück gehabt... Ich muss wohl davon ausgehen, dass kein Material da war, um die fehlerhaften Booster komplett auszutauschen, was die einzige wirklich saubere Lösung gewesen wäre. Dann allerdings wäre es immer noch fairer gewesen, die Eventide-Karte durch ein Basic Land zu ersetzen - oder sie halt einfach DRIN ZU LASSEN.

Charlies (???) Draftartikel zur ME2 auf MTGO habe ich nur überflogen (wie groß ist das Zielpzblikum dafür auf MU eigentlich wirklich?), aber mein bisheriger Eindruck zu seinen Draftwalkthroughs bestätigt sich weiter: Die wirklich interessanten Entscheidungen kommentiert er einfach nicht! Das kommentarlose Ignorieren der Leaping Lizard beim Picken des Thallid Devourers ist wieder einmal ein Paradebeispiel. Charly ist gewiss ein starker Drafter, aber wenn ihm völlig das Gespür dafür abgeht, welche Entscheidungen er kommentieren muss, einfach nicht gut geeignet für das Verfassen von Draftwalkthroughs.

Ach ja: Während ich dies hier schriebe, ist mein neueseter Artikel auf MU online gegangen! (Die Bebilderung ist diesmal leider reichlich lieblos, obwohl die Redaktion ihn diesmal schon besonders früh hatte - schade!)

Das soll es dann für heute gewesen sein - bis denne!

(from:Real Clear Politics/WSJ)

I read this and thought it was a nice, humorous look at things. Hell, If Obama can pull off everthing he has promissed and NOT drive the U.S. into the ground, he would be a better magician than Houdini, Criss Angel, and David Copperfield combined. ~HB

 
October 10, 2008

Obama's Magic

By Kimberley Strassel

And now, America, we introduce the Great Obama! The world's most gifted political magician! A thing of wonder. A thing of awe. Just watch him defy politics, economics, even gravity! (And hold your applause until the end, please.)

To kick off our show tonight, Mr. Obama will give 95% of American working families a tax cut, even though 40% of Americans today don't pay income taxes! How can our star enact such mathemagic? How can he "cut" zero? Abracadabra! It's called a "refundable tax credit." It involves the federal government taking money from those who do pay taxes, and writing checks to those who don't. Yes, yes, in the real world this is known as "welfare," but please try not to ruin the show.

For his next trick, the Great Obama will jumpstart the economy, and he'll do it by raising taxes on the very businesses that are today adrift in a financial tsunami! That will include all those among the top 1% of taxpayers who are in fact small-business owners, and the nation's biggest employers who currently pay some of the highest corporate tax rates in the developed world. Mr. Obama will, with a flick of his fingers, show them how to create more jobs with less money. It's simple, really. He has a wand.

Next up, Mr. Obama will re-regulate the economy, with no ill effects whatsoever! You may have heard that for the past 40 years most politicians believed deregulation was good for the U.S. economy. You might have even heard that much of today's financial mess tracks to loose money policy, or Fannie and Freddie excesses. Our magician will show the fault was instead with our failure to clamp down on innovation and risk-taking, and will fix this with new, all-encompassing rules. Presto!

Did someone in the audience just shout "Sarbanes Oxley?" Usher, can you remove that man? Thank you. Mr. Obama will now demonstrate how he gives Americans the "choice" of a "voluntary" government health plan, designed in such a way as to crowd out the private market and eliminate all other choice! Don't worry people: You won't have to join, until you do. Mr. Obama will follow this with a demonstration of how his plan will differ from our failing Medicare program. Oops, sorry, folks. The Great Obama just reminded me it is time for an intermission. Maybe we'll get to that marvel later.

We're back now. And just watch the Great Obama perform a feat never yet managed in all history. He will create that enormous new government health program, spend billions to transform our energy economy, provide financial assistance to former Soviet satellites, invest in infrastructure, increase education spending, provide job training assistance, and give 95% of Americans a tax (ahem) cut -- all without raising the deficit a single penny! And he'll do it in the middle of a financial crisis. And with falling tax revenues! Voila!

Moving along to a little ventriloquism. Study his mouth carefully, folks: It looks like he's saying "I'll stop the special interests," when in fact the words coming out are "Welcome to Washington, friends!" Wind and solar companies, ethanol makers, tort lawyers, unions, community organizers -- all are welcome to feed at the public trough and to request special favors. From now on "special interests" will only refer to universally despised, if utterly crucial, economic players. Say, oil companies. Hocus Pocus!

And for tonight's finale, the Great Obama will uphold America's "moral" obligation to "stop genocide" by abandoning Iraq! While teleported to the region, he will simultaneously convince Iranian leaders to peacefully abandon their nuclear pursuits (even as he does not sit down with them), fix Afghanistan with a strategy that does not resemble the Iraqi surge, and (drumroll!) pull Osama bin Laden out of his hat!

Tada!

You can clap now. (Applause. Cheers.) We'd like to thank a few people in the audience. Namely, Republican presidential nominee John McCain, who has so admirably restrained himself from running up on stage to debunk any of these illusions and spoil everyone's fun.

We know he's in a bit of a box, having initially blamed today's financial crisis on corporate "greed," and thus made it that much harder to call for a corporate tax cut, or warn against excessive regulation. Still, there were some pretty big openings up here this evening, and he let them alone! We'd also like to thank Mr. McCain for keeping all the focus on himself these past weeks. It has helped the Great Obama to just get on with the show.

As for that show, we'd love to invite you all back for next week's performance, when the Great Obama will thrill with new, amazing exploits. He will respect your Second Amendment rights even as he regulates firearms! He will renegotiate Nafta, even as he supports free trade! He will.

Ms. Strassel is a member of The Wall Street Journal's editorial board.