"Suraj ki roshni me chamak nahi hogi,

raat me chandni bhi roshan nahi hogi,

phulo ki khushboo bhi hume pyari nahi hogi,

yeh zindagi aapke bina shayad zindagi hi nahi hogi"

***

"Dur jaake bhi aap dil ke kareeb rahoge,

dhadkan ki tarah is dil me dhadakte rahoge,

muskaan ki tarah chehre pe humesha khilte rahoge,

zindagi me agar saath nahi to bhi meri har saans me aap hi mehkte rahoge"

***

"aaj ek khwab dekha,

usme khud ko aapke kareeb dekha,

is jahan ko humare pyar ki khushboo se mehakta dekha,

us khuda ko meri har dua ko kubul karte dekha"

***

"Har pal tumhare sang rehne ki kuch kasak uth rahi hai,

saari duniya ki khushiya kam pad jaaye tumhe itni khushiya dene ki chahat ho rahi hai,

duniya ki bheed se tumhe bahut dur le jane ki tamanna ho rahi hai,

ab to har saans sirf tumhare naam kar dene ki aarzoo hai"

First thing, that I want to out here is that the previous post that I wrote was so immature and inaccurate. I dont understand a girl and that was seen in that. I dont yet truly know that person in totality and that was the result. She is such a sweet person, sweeter than sugar and sweeter than the word sweet itself!!

We both love each other, thats for sure. She is really concerned about her parents and her extended family. So, I have decided on one thing. If we can convince her parents and arrange the marriage, well and good. If not, there are 2 options. If she really wants to live with me ready to make a sacrifice for a few months, I want to marry her and settle down in a new place. If she is not ready to take that step, I will lead my life in her thoughts. I wont be a Devdas of sorts, but this life will be for her.

I left my country and now I feel so much pain. She filled me up entirely. All my passions were regulated by her. Now when I am without her presence here, I feel misled by my passions. I wont let them take me away this time. I love her, really love her a lot. I want to be with her, through all things. I want to be with her through all good, all bad, all success, all failures and every season of this life. I know life wont be the same without her. And I already feel that. Oh my dearest, lets live together in this life.....

That remains a hope, a hope that I want to burn brightly and illuminate the path we might need to take. I now understand the meaning of love, what it means to love someone...

I've been married for almost 11 years to my high school sweetheart...we've had our ups and our downs like any normal couple, but this last week has been a trying time.  In order for you to fully understand, I have to give you a little bit of a back story...

Roughly three years ago after joining Flickr, I became good friends with a girl who I'll call "Bam."  We've never actually met in person but we'd talked on the phone a few times and our personalities were enough alike that we knew we'd be great "in person" friends as well.

She's gone through some rough times in her marriage so we'd end up talking about her and her depression, any physical ailments, friendly chit chat, we'd talk about my marriage, my woes, complaints, kids, life.  My husband would ask about her sometimes since I'd always say Bam this, Bam that, Bam Bam Bam...and finally I suggested to her than she talk to my husband because he's an excellent listener and give great advice.  They started out talking on Yahoo messenger where her and I would frequently talk also.  We'd all talked sepately and we'd all talk together in a "conference" and everything went smoothly and it was comfortable.  After a few chat sessions I kind of felt like I was the outcast so I'd distance myself from the conversation by doing other things on the computer and making excuses as to why I wasn't saying very much.  I'd edit pictures that didn't need editing, I'd read blogs, I'd respond to comments on Flickr, I just did...stuff.

I was getting jealous of their connection and instead of being a psycho bitch wife I pretty much kept my mouth shut, except for a few snide "Your girlfriend..." comments to my husband, which was totally rude of me to do, but that's exactly how I felt at the time...like he was making so much more time to talk to her and he'd even ask about her during the day while he was at work.  He'd send me texts and ask me what I was up to, if I mentioned that I was talking to Bam, he'd chime in with "Tell her I said sup!" or something along those lines.  That was irritating, but it was also do-able.

So after a week or so of them talking on messenger, Bam requested that my husband give her a call...she even asked me if that was ok.  Initially I was ok with it because I know that it's easier to get your point across via a phone call rather than text messages and IM's so I agreed.  Their first phone conversation lasted 2 hours....in which he had locked himself inside of our bedroom.  I could hear laughing, talking, more laughing, talking....I was generally pissed off because our kids were gone for the evening and I was hoping for some quiet alone time with him.  He was still on the phone when the kids got home.  Needless to say I was quite upset but eager to hear what they had talked about.

He told me what they talked about which was mainly about her issues that we'd been trying to work through as a group...but I'm sure there was also talk of our issues as a married couple also, yet those weren't mentioned to me of course.

Then the next day, he was at work, they were texting, he came home and once again they were on Yahoo chattin' it up and then next thing I know he's headed up the stairs for another phone call.  Not even asking me if I thought it was appropriate or not, just headed up the stairs for at least an hour.  By this time I was quite suspicious and kind of kicking myself in the ass for ever suggesting such a thing.  I didn't realize that I'd just given my "friend" permission to fall in love with my husband, and my husband to fall for my "friend."  I set myself up for some serious disaster.

Yesterday morning after sleeping in since the kids didn't have school, I checked my texts and my husband had said to text when I got up, so I did.  Then he called me and proceeded to sound all weird and iffy about life and about his relationship with Bam and that he was unsure about our marriage.  I'm glad I hadn't eaten anything because it would have been all over the walls at that point...I was DEVASTATED to say the least...here he is telling me that he has some serious feelings for her and I'm supposed to say what back to him in response?

We talked a couple more times, I couldn't even cry I was so stunned and so broken, I was dizzy, I was nauseous, I was hurt and I was alone...at home...with my kids.  I couldn't do anything but lay on the couch and tell him to come home.  He made arrangments with his sister to watch the kids for us for the afternoon so we could talk.  I dropped the kids off, came home to him laying on the couch and I had to lay on the floor, I felt like I was going to pass out from all the stress.  He started crying, I wanted to reassure him but I was afraid he didn't want me there...eventually I crawled my way across the living room and laid my head on his chest, kissed his face and head and told him that we'd work it out, it'd be ok, we'd get through it.  Every few minutes he'd get a text from Bam, after we had some actual time to talk it out, he told me that if he were me, he'd tell me to go...so I told him to go.  If he wants her then he can go.  It's his choice and I'm not interested in having him stay in a marriage that he doesn't want to be in.  We've always talked about how people shouldn't stay "in it" for the kids.  After a few minutes he was up off the couch and outside on the phone with her trying to make plans for her to get here, for him to get there, for things to work out.  He asked me to talk to Bam and tell her that it was ok, that I wouldn't hate either of them for this.  At the time I thought that wasn't a bad idea....I took the phone I went outside and I told her how I'd seen it coming and that who was I to tell him he can't be happy.  If I don't make him happy and he doesn't want to stay here with me then he just needs to go.  If his happiness affects her happiness then it was just an added bonus for the two of them.  I hung up and I was pretty ok with the one sided conversation I'd just had with "his girlfriend."  He was on and off the phone so much I couldn't tell you how many conversations they had yesterday.  I sent a frantic text to my friend asking if there was any way she could come down for the weekend as she lives almost 3 hours away.  She asked what was up and ended up calling me...which I was trying to avoid because I knew if I talked to her I would break down and I did.  I told her that we were over, that we were going to be separated and that I didn't know what I was going to do.  I didn't talk to her for very long because my husband and I decided to call my parents for some support and I was picking things up off the living room floor and I didn't want to keep hashing it out with her on the phone.  She had some good advice, but not the advice I needed.

My mom called and said she didn't really want to drive back in to town since she'd just gotten home from work so we drove out there.  We cried most the way out there, we talked, we held hands, we laughed, we grieved.  We told my parents that we were thinking about separating and that we needed some advice, we needed thoughts, we needed help.  They gave us their attention and they offered the kids and I a place to stay for as long as we needed.

We drove to town and go the kids, then went home where he proceeded to go right up the stairs to talk to Bam on the phone for a good 2 hours again.  I was so distraught, I was bawling my eyes out, with no one to talk to, not knowing what to say anyway...I just needed someone to hold me and someone to tell me that I was going to be ok...I was so upset and torn at the thought of him upstairs talking to her and me downstairs with all the kids, crying.  The girls fell asleep on the couches and my son kept coming over and sitting on my lap rubbing my face and telling me he loved me over and over.  I apologized to him and told him how much I loved him and how we'd be ok in the end.

My husband finally came down the stairs and took the kids up to bed one by one.  We attempted to watch tv together, he texted Bam and I just sat there staring into oblivion.  I finally told him I was going to bed...I took my phone with me just in case I felt the need to call or text someone for a little pick me up.  I layed in bed for awhile, I cried some, I turned my phone on and texted him that he was being pretty insensitive to text her and call her constantly while I'm sitting around the house feeling like the biggest fuck up on the planet.  That maybe he should have a little more common courtest than that.  Then I sent her a text and told her to throw the card away that she hadn't yet received in the mail...she said ok and that she was sorry.  I told her that I was not discussing my life with her anymore, that I was done.  She said I'd never hear from her again.  Good riddance.

I texted a few more snidely comments to my husband and he eventually came up to bed where we both layed on opposite sides of the bed, breathing, in pain, hurt and depressed.  In the morning I broke down...the kids were coming in and out of our rooms, there was no good morning hug, not good morning kiss, no I love you baby, just him, there, with his phone and unlimited text messages.  He got up and took a bath...I layed in bed thinking about how I wouldn't hear the shower curtain being pulled across the rod, the linen closet door opening when he got a towel out, the smell of his cologne lingering downstairs long after he'd left for work.  I was completely and utterly devestated.

He came back in the bedroom and layed on the bed...we were able to talk about how confused he was and how hurt we both were and how we'd all be ok no matter what.  I broke down again and decided that I needed to go sit in some scalding hot water and just let it all out.  I went through a few crying fits while I sat there, he came and checked on me a couple times.  You have no idea how much I love him.

After my shower I tried to remain calm...he was texting, I was putting laundry away, his clothes almost made me lose it again...hanging his shirts in the closet never seemed like such a chore before today...somehow I got dressed, I had to, I needed to go to the store, I couldn't be a recluse forever...we have no milk, no cereal, no bread in the house...I need to be able to feed my kids.  I sat down on the bed and had the biggest breakdown of all, complete with hyperventilating...it was not pretty, I screamed, I said things, I let go, I came out of my shell....he needed to hear what I had to say.  He asked me what he could do to make it all go away, I cried again.  He touched me to comfort me and I yelled at him that his touch was supposed to comfort me not make me angry and upset...he backed off, I felt worse.  He asked me again if he could help fix it all...he turned off his phone...he looked me in the eyes and he told me that he was so sorry that he loved me, that we'd work through this, that he told her he was done, that he couldn't do this.  We've been through so much and with as much as he's fought for us over the years, why stop now.  He asked me if I thought we were soulmates....I looked him in the eyes crying and told him yes, "Yes, I do think we are. Do you think we are?"  Looking me straight in the eyes he said "Yes, I think we are soulmates."  I told him I loved him and that I was scared still, that I didn't want to be scared, he held me and I cried, I told him how good it felt to have him touching my skin, he kissed me on the lips, I cried more, he pulled me closer and said that he wanted to make love to me...I said I couldn't do it, I just couldn't.  I'd cry and I'm scared and I'm hurt and I'm unsure of everything.

We did not end up making love, but he did proceed to break down and do a complete turn around telling me how sad he was that Bam was so devastated and how much he was going to miss her.  I told him that it was going to be ok, I reassured him that we'd work through the pain and the heartache and that she'd find someone for her, that it was her responsibility to herself to do that.  To get out of a dead end marriage and find someone who was right for her.  He said he needed to check his phone and see how many texts he'd gotten from her while we were talking.  Seven.  He had 7 texts from her.  He wasn't even dressed and wanted to call her back since he at least "owed" her that much.  So once again I hung out downstairs, after about 30 minutes I sent him a "Please" text hoping that he'd get the clue.  I got a "hold on" in response.  I wasn't able to be in the house one more second.  I grabbed my purse and the keys and sat on the front porch with my head in my hands.  Stunned, perplexed, stomach in knots, dizzy, thirsty, sick.

Eventually he came downstairs and he seemed ok at first, until we started driving.  We'd decided earlier to take the kids to the park....so we were going to grab some lunch and take them to the park where they wouldn't be subjected to our nonsense.  I felt like a complete idiot sitting in the car with him, he felt like shit and was uneasy the entire drive.  We got some fast food and arrived at the park.  I was so sick I could hardly stand smelling the food.  We were sitting outside on the picnic table and I was looking down at my food....grunting and saying "oh god..oh god, what do I do...."  I took 2 nibbles off of my sandwich and had to go back to the car.  It killed me to see him sitting outside at the park, eating with his kids on a gorgeous day.

He came back to the car with me, he told me he was lost in his head, he didn't know what he wanted anymore, he didn't want to lose any of us...I told him he needed to make the choice because I should have to deal with any more indecisiveness.  He aplogized about earlier that it was so wrong of him but that he hated seeing me so hurt and so upset and he wanted to make things better for me.  False hope doesn't help anyone.

We drove home abruptly and he called my parents and my mom came and picked us up.  The kids are devastated and not really sure what's going on...but they want their daddy, they want to see him and they want to be held by him and it hasn't even been 24 hours.  I promised them that if tomorrow was nice that I'd take them to the school playground and let them run off some energy.

I called my husband and the kids told him goodnight and that they loved him, we talked for a few, we told eachother I love you.  I hope he not only makes the decision that's right for him but the one that's most convenient for me...and that's to stay in this marriage, as a family, as a husband, as a lover, as my best friend.

I'm so unsure of my life right now, it's always be other people going through this kind of stuff, not us.  We've always been the strong ones.  Before we were even married, I fooled around with his best friend...it didn't lead to sex, but that's because I stopped it before it did.  I didn't want to mess up a good relationship, but I almost did.  He eventually said he forgave me for that....

I'd made a couple close friendships online and crossed a few boundaries that I'm not proud of, that he's been deeply devastated over and has never forgiven me fully for after the first slip up with his friend.

I get that he's never healed and that this makes it "easier" for him to base his decision on the -The Grass Is Greener On The Other Side- theory, but I sure hope that he chooses me.  I need him to choose me, I have to have him choose me.  I don't know any other way...I don't have anyone in the World that I'd rather be with for eternity, I love him and only him, I want him in my life in so many aspects I can't even begin to think of him not being in the whole picture.  I want to grow old with him and share more memories with him and be the best wife I can be.

I want my life back, but mostly I want him.

WOW Sarah, this just can't be, HOW CAN WE TRUST YOU SARAH? DO WE REALLY KNOW WHO THE REAL SARAH PALIN IS? The article is very detailed and goes on to state:

"Still, after the AP reported the governor had accepted tainted donations during her 2006 campaign, she announced she would donate the $2,100 to three charities, including an Anchorage nonprofit aimed at "sharing God's love" to dissuade young women from having abortions.

An AP review of her time as mayor, from late 1996 to 2002, also reveals a commingling of church and state.

Records of her mayoral correspondence show that Palin worked arduously to organize a day of prayer at city hall. She said that with local ministers' help, Wasilla _ a city of 7,000 an hour's drive north of Anchorage _ could become "a light, or a refuge for others in Alaska and America."

"What a blessing that the Lord has already put into place the Christian leaders, even though I know it's all through the grace of God," she wrote in March 2000 to her former pastor. She thanked him for the loan of a video featuring a Kenyan preacher who later would pray for her protection from witchcraft as she sought higher office.

In that same period, she also joined a grass-roots, faith-based movement to stop the local hospital from performing abortions, a fight that ultimately lost before the Alaska Supreme Court.

Palin's former church and other evangelical denominations were instrumental in ousting members of Valley Hospital's board who supported abortion rights _ including the governor's mother-in-law, Faye Palin.

Alaska Right to Life Director Karen Lewis, who led the campaign, said Palin wasn't a leader in the movement initially. But by 1997, after she had been elected mayor, Palin joined a hospital board to make sure the abortion ban held while the courts considered whether the ban was legal, Lewis said.

"We kept pro-life people like Sarah on the association board to ensure children of the womb would be protected," Lewis said. "She's made up of this great fiber of high morals and godly character, and yet she's fearless. She's someone you can depend on to carry the water."

In November 2007, the Alaska Supreme Court ruled that because the hospital received more than $10 million in public funds it was "quasi-public" and couldn't forbid legal abortions.

Comella said Palin joined the hospital's broader association in the mid-1990s. Records show she was elected to the nonprofit's board in 2000.

Ties among those active at the time still run deep: In November, Palin was a keynote speaker at Lewis' "Proudly Pro-Life Dinner" in Anchorage, and the governor billed taxpayers a $60 per diem fee for her work that day.

Palin also is one of just two governors who channeled federal money to support religious groups through a state agency, Alaska's Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives. Palin has made it a priority to unite faith communities, local nonprofits and government to serve the needy, bringing her high marks _ and $500,000 _ from the Bush administration.

In fiscal year 2008, Alaska was one of only four states to receive $500,000 in federal grant money from the national initiative."

Everyone, please read this for yourself. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/11/palin-blurs-line-between_n_133863.html#

WHO IS THE REAL SARAH PALIN?

“Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!”

Patrick Henry

“No totalitarian authority nor authoritarian state can tolerate those who have an absolute by which to judge that state and its actions…Christians [have] that absolute in God’s revelation.”

Francis A. Schaeffer

“No manifest idolater, nor notorious transgressor of God’s holy precepts, ought to be promoted to any public regiment [government], honour, or dignity, in any realm, province, or city that has subjected itself to his blessed evangel.”

John Knox {Reformer}, Part of his Summary of the Proposed Second Blast of the Trumpet, Part 2

As I read blogs, listen to CNN and so-forth, I find myself not really concerned with it all. I am more concerned about our separation from this anti-christ system. I find that my thoughts are not on wall street or the so called government continuing to try and put blindfolds on the nation and its bandaide treatments, but my thoughts are on being obediant to Gods word. If He has called us out then we must trust that He will provide the way to do so. I was looking at the exchange rate and have been so we can exchange our currency to american. It has gone up greatly and yet I know this will not detour us from continuing on our process. It may mean less money but in the end God is in control and it is He that is the great provider. The world is changing around us and not for the better. I do know that we cannot take our time and relax on the issue of separation. We should be and are taken action. Time is short or all most up.

I find my heart and mind are ahead of my physical separation. I long for my obediance to God to be fullfilled.  Many people are convinced that things will eventually get back to  normal and they might have to tighten their belts for a time but it will all pass. I believe they are all in for a shock.

I had my boss from work tell me that she was not concerned and that many people have said that they were living in the end times and nothing happened and she believed that this is what was happening again and that it is not the actual endtimes.  Is it because they believe it won't happen in their lifetime or is it that they don't like the thought of having to give up all their comforts of the world? Those that love the anti-christ system depend on it. They believe that their god will continue to keep them comfortable.  The world is cloaked in deception and it rests on all that will not or cannot see the truth. The true Gospel teaches us about the anti-christ system and shows us clearly what we are called to do.

The government is failing and the system is failing, but my God never fails. He is faithful to complete what He has started. He will continue to place on our hearts the urgency of separation. He will keep our minds focused on the process and not on the circumstances that are around us. 

A wonderful article that was written by Michael Bunker who is the author of www.biblicalagrarianism.com can be viewed at http://michaelbunker.com/journal.html it is called October rants part one and rants-fest part 2. These articles help to explain the biblical princple behind separation and preparedness as true believers.

An example from October rants Part one:

Debylin

"Vad pågår runt omkring mig, nu faller allt isär. Kan nån förklara vad som hänt. Den ömhet som jag kände finns inte längre där, för alla broar som vi bränt, min barndomssorg har återvänt. Står det några dörrar på glänt?"

Han vann. Han fick mig dit Han ville. Jag är här nu. Här hos honom, fastän Han inte ens är här. Han vet var Han har mig. Jag kröp till korset, igen, IGEN. Jag ger upp, jag är slagen, jag är fast. Snärjd, trasslad, ihopknycklad till en trasig ölburk i en burkautomat.

"Och när han vill försvara, dom misstag som han gjort. Så tror jag inte på han skäl. Det är så svårt att mötas och livet går så fort. Jag kvävs av våra bittra gräl men ska jag våga ta farväl?"

Nej, jag V-Å-G-A-R inte. Separation. Separera. Isär. Apart. Itu. Av. Ifrån. Ta sönder. Vem är jag utan honom? Vem har jag utan honom? Och det värstatse av allt. Jag är rädd för hans ilska, för hans DÖMANDE. Att han ska döma mig, att jag ska tro på hans ord.

"En obeskrivlig längtan har vaknat i min kropp. En dröm som jag vill hålla kvar. Jag söker efter kärlek, men utan tro och hopp. Den enda rikedom jag har, är tusen frågor utan svar."

Varför? Varför, varför, VARFÖR? Varför gör du mig illa? varför är du utstuderat elak? Varför svarar du med hämnd? Varför s-e-r du inte? Varför är det alltid jag och aldrig du? Varför vägrar du att kompromissa? Varför är dina åsikter alltid norm?

Eller rättare sagt, VAD är du så RÄDD för? Varför håller du mig så hårt? Vad pågår i ditt inre? Vilka trassel brottas du med? Om du bara vågade se. Men jag kan inte stanna och bära dina problem, jag vet ju det. Men jag kan inte heller gå. Jag är ömsom arg och vill lämna allt i raseri, ömsom ett ynkligt litet mumintroll som vill laga ditt (uppenbarligen) trasiga hjärta. (Fast A säger att det inte går att laga, som när en mobilreparatör säger att "Den här mobilen är slut, du måste köpa en ny"...)

Men bättre vara arg än ledsen just den här gången. Det handlar om överlevnad, Han eller jag.

Mybe I am better off alone?!

Actually, I was at work and killing some time and randomly got on the topic of wrestling. I grew up a huge wrestling fan, so once I got started clicking down memory lane my productivity came to a halt. From Macho Man to Sting, I read up on some of the biggest icons in professional wrestling history. I also killed some time looking up some of the random guys that stuck out in my mind (i.e Virgil, Kamala, Ultimo Dragon and Prince Iaukea).

I was looking at the awards for the best wrestlers since 1991, adding a ton of time to the non sequitur browsing and when I came across Lex Luger. Once 6'5 265 lb. beast, Luger had a "spinal stroke" and is now a paraplegic weighing only around 170 lbs. My favorite wrestler ever Sting is now an evangelist of sorts but still makes appearances in TNA (he is one of the only big name wrestlers of his era to never wrestle for WWF/WWE... thats loyalty). My nostalgic journey continued as I perused the profile of Macho Man who is now an actor, and Scott Hall and his oozing machismo is still doing fallaway slams somewhere.

After a long and extremely random search, I finally got to Bret "the Hitman" Hart. Now Bret Hart never really was a wrestler I liked, minus the Sharpshooter, signature submission of Hart (which is a reverse figure four, just like Sting's Scorpion Deathlock). Still, I respected his wrestling ability--even after I found out wrestling was fake. He made it look so real and it was clear he was a master of his craft.

Bret Hart was/is a cocky SOB, but could usually back it up in the ring. To me he doesn't have the icon status of a Hulk/Hollywood Hogan, Ric Flair, Sting, Roddy Piper (LOL), Booker T or the Undertaker, but Hart has a loyal following and is always mentioned with the top tier entertainers, despite his bland character. Somewhere along the line he started to close interviews with the verbage "the best there is, the best there, ever will be."

If you didn't guess already, I didn't/don't believe this to be true. But that is a hell of a line, which I think it invented swagger. I will now use Bret Hart's slogan as creed that I live by. No one on the corner have swagger like us... myself and Bret Hart that is.

Oh, apparently I need to clarify this: I am not, nor have I ever been a Muslim. Unlike Barack Hussein Obama, I will say that if I were a Muslim it shouldn't be a problem. I am not mad at anyone that has asked me about it, in fact I appreciate that you asked me because apparently several individuals have been telling people that I was a Muslim without even talking to me about it. That is weak stuff... but again, if I were a Muslim what's the big deal? As long as I don't hurt anybody or force my religion upon someone I am OK.

In my column Tuesday, I stated that my biggest beef with Barack comes from the fact that when he denies being a Muslim he stops there and doesn't take the opportunity to educate the electorate...

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances."--First Amendment, Bill of RIghts.

HMMM... smells like education and this blog isn't written by Pink Floyd. If that ain't enough here is an article from The Huffington Post that cites a quote of Jefferson about Congressman Keith Ellison, a Muslim who swore on Thomas Jefferson's Quran. An excerpt from the article:

"As Jefferson wrote in 1802, 'religion is a matter which lies solely between man and his god, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legitimate powers of government reach actions only, and not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, thus building a wall of separation between church and state.'"

TJ, one of our principle founding fathers (slave owner that opposed slavery...go figure) understood that there is no place for religion in politics. What happens now is as it did then--Right-winged politicians garnering support through fear tactics. Even I had a conversation with my mother and she was having some doubts about whether or not Muslims holding public office... it has extended that far (LOL @ even).

Today I was wearing one of my Barack shirts and encountered a former co-worker of sorts. She said "tell me you didn't come in here with that shirt on." After that remark, I knew it was going to be ugly. This conversation is an example of when I choose to listen and try to understand prejudice.

This lady finally had the notion that Barack Obama was a Muslim dispelled just a little while ago... but she still kept linking him with terrorists. Funny thing is she didn't have the facts right even about the smear tactics of McCain and Palin. What this proves is some Americans wallow in ignorance and the Republican Party, which encourages such garbage, is ridiculous.

I think that's enough for today...947 words. Gosh! Nobody has that long of an attention span.

Salute

I'll walk away

You have now crossed the last bound,
it doesn't matter what you'll say,
I'll walk away

Don't turn you back on me,
'cause one thing is true,
I'll turn mine on you.

It's true what you say,
I can't fit into you life,
and I don't ever will be you wife.
You can fold you hands and pray,
it doesn't matter,
I'll still walk away

You said you'd kneel for me,
but if you really love me, set me free
cause you can't give me anything more
you have turned this relationship into a war

So save your pathetic words,
I am neither selfish nor a whore
your words can't hurt me anymore,
it doesn't matter what you'll say,
I'll walk away.

15-20 minutes

Description

This object lesson teaches that unforgiveness can hinder our prayers for forgivenss.

Materials

• One “Energy Ball” from www.stevespanglerscience.com. (This ball sends a small electric current through your body when you touch a metal strip on the side. (You cannot feel the current.) The current will pass through as many people as you link together (through holding hands). As long as everyone is touching in the chain, the ball will light up with the last person touches the metal strip with you.)

Preparation

· Purchase the “Energy Ball” (under $10). Allow a few weeks for shipping and delivery.

· Practice the script.

Procedure

Use the following script (or modify to suit your needs):

• “How many of you know how important it is to forgive other people when they do something that upsets you?” (Look for a show of hands.)
• “When we won’t forgive someone, it separates us. Let me show you what I mean.” (Ask for a volunteer to come up.)
• “(Child’s name) and I are good friends. We are very close.” (Give child a side hug.)
• “But if I get upset with (child’s name) because of something he/she does, it separates us.” (Gently push child about an arm’s length away.)
• “As long as I’m mad at (child’s name), we are no longer in fellowship.”
• “But when I forgive (child’s name), it brings us back together. (Give child a side hug.)
• “Now, God says in the Bible that if we are angry with someone and won’t forgive them, He won’t forgive us of our sins.”
• “How many of you knew that already?” (Look for a show of hands.)
• “Well, I didn’t know it for a long time. Let’s look at the Scripture that says this.” (Ask a volunteer to read Mark 11:25-26.)
• “Jesus is saying that if we are upset with someone, we shouldn’t even bother praying for forgiveness for our own sins until we have forgiven that person.”
• “What He is not saying is that if we don’t forgive someone we can’t go to heaven.”
• “The only thing you have to do to go to heaven is believe that Jesus died for your sins and accept the gift of his sacrifice on the cross.”
• “But what He is saying is that your relationship with God will suffer until you forgive that person you are upset with.” (Ask for a second volunteer to come up. Put this volunteer on the opposite side of you.)
• “It works like this. When I’m close to (first volunteer’s name), then it’s possible for me to be close to God.” (Give both children a side hug at the same time.)
• “But when I won’t forgive (first volunteer’s name), then it’s not possible for me to be close to God.” (Gently push both volunteers about an arm’s length away from you.)
• “God wants us to forgive others just like He has already forgiven us for all our sins. In other parts of the Bible, He points out that the person who is forgiven of much should also forgive others of much.”
• “Let me show you another way. Let’s say this ball (show Energy Ball) will tell us if God will or will not answer our prayers for forgiveness.”
• “If it lights up, God will answer our prayers. If it doesn’t, He won’t.” (Have child put finger on one sensor, and you put finger on other sensor. Then, join hands in a circle with volunteer representing God.  The ball should light up.)
• “Good! I don’t have anything against (first volunteer’s name), so God will answer my prayers.”
• “But if I’m upset that (first volunteer’s name) took the last piece of dessert at lunch (separate from both children and touch one sensor while the first volunteer touches the other sensor), God won’t answer our prayers until I forgive (first volunteer’s name).” (Join hands in a circle again while touching sensors, and ball should light up.)
• “Cool, huh? Let’s see what happens when we add people.” (Get a few more volunteers and have them form a circle and each hold hands with the person next to them.)
• “So, now what we are creating is the Body of Christ, which is made up of all the people who trust Jesus as their Savior.”
• “When we love each other and forgive each other for things that upset us, God is pleased and answers our prayers.” (Have the original volunteer stand at the beginning of the circle and touch a sensor while the last person in the circle touches the other one— the ball should light up.)
• “But if one of these people is mad at this other one because he jumped on top of him in the swimming pool…” (point to two children as you say this, and separate their hands as you do so – they should not be touching in any way. — The light will go out),
• “…God won’t answer their prayers until this one forgives this one.” (Have them join hands again, and the ball should light up.)
• “Now, let’s see what happens if we add everyone else to the circle!” (Allow all the other children to join the circle. They should hold hands like the others, and the first and last people in the circle should touch the contact points on the ball.)
• “Hey! God must be answering our prayers!” (Let individuals in the circle break the chain and then reestablish it to see what happens to the ball.)HHey
• “Jesus said that people will know we are His followers if we love one another.” (John 13:35)
• “Loving one another makes us look so different from those who don’t know Jesus that they will want to know why we are so different, and that gives you a chance to tell them about Jesus.”
• “You can’t love someone in the same way God loves us (unconditionally) if you are resentful of them, so let’s keep practicing forgiveness so that we can show the world what a forgiving God we have!” (Let other children be the ones to touch the contact points on the ball and experiment with it.)

Jobbig faktor hela veckan har varit saknaden av min Gangsterman (härmed A:s nya namn) och känslan av hur mycket bättre allt hade varit om han var med mig. Om vi rentav bodde här, staden med möjligheter. Samtidigt förstår jag att allt vad han känner till och uppskattar finns där, och jag respekterar det, vilket genererar att jag prioriterar bort mig själv. Jag har dock svårt att tänka mig ett förhållande där båda parter alltid sätter sig själv först, med det sagt att även han har gjort uppoffringar. Jag har under vistelsen i Stockholm kommit att tänka på hans lägenhet i Gubbängen oftare än vad jag annars gör, vilket ändå inte är helt sällan, och givetvis blir jag ledsen varje gång. Den lägenheten var laddad med trygghet och smuts, båda faktorer var lika påtagliga, men framför allt minnen. Vi var där mycket, men framför allt under väldigt många olika omständigheter, lägenheten var sig alltid lik - lägenheten var den konstant hälsovådligt smutsiga punkten där jag fann frid med gangstermannen.

Pappas dator är efterbliven, jag likaså. Sömn känns värt. Nattnatt.

Korv, datorer och kläder är inte så svårt. Men hur skyltar man när det är hjälp i vårdnadstvister och separationer man säljer...?

Avtal, rättspraxis och underhållsbidrag är inte så lätta att illustrera på ett lockande sätt i skyltfönstret.

Och man kan ju inte låta det tvistande paret synas, så det hänger täta gardiner i fönstren.

Utom i ett.

Där skyltar man.

Med barnen.

Idén att inrätta ett lekrum för barnen, för att de ska slippa vara med när de vuxna gör upp, är kanske en bra tanke.

Men i skyltfönstret?

Osmakligheten äger rum på Södra Förstadsgatan i Malmö. Familjens jurist heter firman.

So we have a common world...some call it the Collective Consciousness world...but they are all different – very, very different to some folks.

A Course in Miracles says that ‘nothing real can be threatened.’ If that’s true, what in our projected holographic world can be threatened? If we had a computer model of this the screen would be white...hmmm...white, isn’t that interesting? Take away all the non real stuff and we end up with only a white screen and...without dimensions.

To get there, using white as the obvious metaphor it is, we drop the opinions also known as judgments, or perceptions and our identification with our world changes completely. Something to ponder!

Very interesting . . .

http://www.anabaptists.org/history/rev-war.html

I highly doubt that I will see a unified, non-denominational church in my lifetime, though, that is what I pray for.

-NDB

It was at that point, that despite what he had always told me about how much he could not stand his wife and that he was going to divorce her, that I was always going to be in second place and possibly third since his children were involved, and maybe even fourth if an anniversary came. I asked myself why was I putting up with this? I must admit, at first it was fun and somewhat thrilling to be living on the edge.  He bought everything, we went everywhere and had phenominal encounters but today when I need him he isn't there because his family comes first. I know she knows about me, but deals with it in her own way. I am finally coming to realize that she is dealing with it because she knows I am second place and that when she pulls the string he will be there for her only. So I got tired of it and decided that I really wanted what she had-somebody that would always make her number one. It was at that point that I stopped being the other woman.

Larry eventually started coming back around. When I told Larry about it he was mad as hell. He said that I was being unfair and that for all he had done for me why was I breaking off with him now. I told him that I came to realize that all we really had was a paid relationship and that all that I ever was to  him was a convenience.  Of course he said that wasn't so and that I was making our relationship look cheap and that he really did love me.  So I said then promise me that you will go to the court tomorrow morning and file for divorce. He knew I saw his hesitation. I said, see, you know what is really in your heart and he did not deny it. He just stood there looking like a deer caught in the headlights. I said, I want more than that and I am tired of living this way. We can't do this anymore.

So he turned an walked towards the door. As he was leaving he turned around and said, I will give you some time to think about this and left.  Well, I had already thought about it. No matter how hard it would be, I wasn't doing it anymore. I was tired of the guilt. I was tired of being second fiddle and I was tired of knowing that the realtionship wasn't going anywhere after almost 5 years of being intimate.

It was difficult at first, very difficult but as time went by it got easier and easier. I'm not dating anyone right now. I am just learning to focus on me and figure out what I really want.  It is has been nice learning something new about myself that I can enjoy life being alone. I think that is what got me into those type of relationships to begin with. I never wanted to be alone and did not care who could satisfy that a single guy or a married man. Now I know that being alone is okay and it feels good.  Last I heard Larry was still with his wife. I've been working on self esteem and learning to love myself. The more I find that I love me, the less I feel that I need love from someone else.

Recently the market dropped dramatically and has bounced around since - now 'the Detachment movie' has been released.

Rapid change = the possibility of dramatic fear = panic, or ecstatic freedom meaning the release from the bondage of identification with anything. We live in a world where the bars are so far away (in most cases) that we don't realize we are in prison.

Can you imagine having everything you could possibly desire together with... the ability to 'let all of it go in an instant' without even a tiny sting? That's an aspect of True Freedom.

Detachment is 'living IN the world but not OF it'...why not have it all providing we are the masters and not the slaves to whatever ALL means to us. We are One with All that Is...that means Abundance, Love, Joy, Peace and Freedom...doesn't it seem kind of strange to deny What we Are in order to somehow qualify to 'get' What we Are?

Copyright © 2008 - John McIntosh

Make sure you know what your rights and obligations are.  Be aware of how your behavior could affect the outcome of any potential divorce proceedings, i.e., should you move out of the marital home?

2.    Copy Documents

Make copies of everything you can find: tax returns, bank statements, check registers, investment statements, retirement account statements, employee benefits handbooks, life insurance policies, medical/dental insurance policies, mortgage documents, applications for credit, deeds and titles to property, financial statements, credit card statements, wills, social security statements, automobile titles, any prenuptial or postnuptial agreements between the parties, documentation of any child support either spouse already pays, etc.  Remember to check the home computer for additional documentation.  Florida requires certain documents be disclosed in all divorce proceedings.  Find that list here.  It is easier to obtain these documents before you separate than after.

3.    Inventory Household and Family Possessions

List the major items: furniture, artwork, jewelry, appliances, automobiles, etc.  Did you forget about anything in storage or that someone else is holding for you or borrowed from you?

4.    Know the Household Budget and Expenses

Examine and record where every penny goes.  This is important to determine if there are temporary needs while the divorce is pending and to determine the amounts owed between parties when negotiating a settlement or final judgment.

5.    Determine How to Manage Family Debt

Try to pay down any debt you may have if you can before divorce.  Division of debt is often a sticking point in divorce proceedings.  Cancel credit accounts if one spouse is too willing to whip out the credit card for unnecessary items.

6.    Find Out Exactly What Your Spouse Earns

Gain this information through paystubs, other documents, or casual conversation with your spouse’s business partner.

7.    Make a Realistic Appraisal of Your Earning Potential

What is a realistic view of your earning potential before and after the divorce?  Will some changes need to be made here?  If you have been a homemaker for a lengthy period of time, will education help you become self-sufficient?  Will your work schedule or location be effected by your divorce and your ability to care for your children?  What child care needs should be considered?

8.    Examine Your Own Credit History

Either establish or reestablish credit in your own, individual name.

9.    Build a Net Egg of Your Own

Try to have access to your own money in case your spouse stops paying the household expenses or bills during the divorce proceedings.  You may also need additional money for an attorney’s retainer, security deposit on a new residence, deposits on utilities, costs of moving, etc.

10.  Put Your Kids at the Top of Your Agenda

Divorce is not about you or your spouse when children are involved.  Children generally have no choice in the matter and their needs and wellbeing should always be your first concern.  Keep their routines as normal as possible, don’t argue in front of the children, don’t bad-mouth the other party to the children, stay involved with your children and their activities as much as possible, and don’t use your children as your sounding board, psychologist, attorney, or counselor! 

Source for some information here.

Proverbs 11:30  The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life; and he that winneth souls is wise.

The following is a quote by Billy Graham:

Years ago we shared the gospel with a Roman Catholic relative.  On one occassion we asked them to tape a sermon for us, by Billy Graham, because we were going to be out.  We were also hoping that they would listen to the program and hear a gospel message.  This relative was devoted to Mary, and devoted to praying the rosary.  We never did find out if that relative actually listened to the sermon, but if they did they were encouraged in their idolatry.  This is what they heard . . . 

"When Mother Teresa died the only thing she owned was her rosary beads and the simple clothing that she wore. But one writer said of her she took a vow of poverty and became fabulously wealthy in the ways that really matter. She’s wealthy in the next world." (Billy Graham San Francisco Bay Area Crusade, Excerpt from December 1997 televised broadcast, Speaker: Billy Graham, Topic: The Value of a Soul)

The following is a quote by Mother Teresa:

"If coming face to face with God we accept Him in our lives, then we . . . become a better Hindu, a better Muslim, a better Catholic, a better whatever we are . . . . What God is in your mind you must accept." (Desmond Doig, Mother Teresa: Her People and Her Work, Harper & Row, 1976, p. 156)

SEE ALSO . . .

THE ROSARY

BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

PASTORS 

MY TESTIMONY

MOTHER TERESA'S FALSE HOPE

THIS SHOULD BREAK YOUR HEART IF . . .

Let’s do a meme!  Maybe it will keep me from finding the nearest jackhammer and putting it to work on his balls…

Kmommy tagged me for a meme last week and it goes a little somethin’ like this:

Here are the rules:

Grab the nearest book. Open the book to page 56. Find the fifth sentence. Post the text of the next two to five sentences in your journal/blog along with these instructions.  Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST. Tag five other people to do the same.

And then, once a day, usually after dark, they would lie down on special platforms and become unconscious.  They would stop functioning almost completely, except deep in their minds they would have adventures and experiences that were completely impossible in real life.

Now, I want to tag some of you newer folks!  In alphabetical order:  Danielle, BlondeBlogger, Heather (KelticKaos), Lola, and Suzie…wave to the crowd girls…what do you mean, "What crowd?" Ok, wave at those 10 people who read this….and as always, if you don't meme or you've already done this one, then why not randomly link to people you like or people you don't like...whatever floats your boat!  lol 

Btw, I'm not sure if I should award extra points for the person that recognizes that passage or avoid them forever.

our breath, our sun

our moon and sky

flows out of mountains,

each road

leads to next years

story.

(I recorded them)

If we count the Christmas'

it's seventy so we plan a trip.

Separation is necessary to strength

I tell myself.

I lie.

In the sky, the sun is shining

and the summer has bled to fall.

Funny that we think that far ahead

dreaming about substance,

or what ever passes our eyes.

In pages of music,

we're playing

and remain.

I have the books to prove

that thirty years

doesn't make a life.

6 Oct 08.

Vous connaissez ces moments où vous êtes au bord de la mer, qu'il y a un vent incroyable, que vous n'êtes plus maître de rien, que vous vous laissez porter ?
Au bord de la mer, c'est beau, c'est même magique.
Mais on est content quand même quand la porte se referme et que le silence se fait.

Dans la vie, il en est tout autrement.

Après avoir connu une tempête épouvantable, on n'aspire qu'à une chose : la paix.
Ceux qui me suivent, savent de quoi je parle : mon ex.

Savourer les moments de calme que je n'ai pas eus. Savoir que personne ne viendra me hurler dans les oreilles, m'agacer et me pousser dans des colères noires, tenter de me détraquer l'esprit, me mentir jusqu'à me rendre folle, perturber deux enfants, puis trois, semer le trouble dans une famille paisible qui n'attendait que de l'amour...

Ne plus entendre l'autre me dévaloriser.
Ne plus douter, ne plus attendre rien.
Ne plus espérer ce qui ne viendra jamais.
Ne plus entendre des reproches quotidiens infondés mais qui font douter de tout.
Ne plus sentir de la haine quand on n'attend rien d'autre que de l'amour.

Alors oui, on peut vivre sans tendresse. En tout cas, sans celle d'un autre adulte.
J'ai souvent eu la sensation que si j'avais refait ma vie avec quelqu'un de "sain", j'aurais débordé d'amour.
Aujourd'hui, je me dis que ce capital est à donner largement, autrement, mais sûrement plus inutilement.