I also dreamed that my sister and sister-in-law were pregnant. And everyone was focusing on them because they could see the evidence of their impending parenthood, but I was left out even though we were expecting too. :-( My brain is severely messed up! It's N's fault. On Friday my mom called to tell me that my sister-in-law had thought she was pregnant, but started spotting this week and lost the pregnancy. N's response was "They know we're trying to have a baby! Can't they wait and not steal our thunder?" At the time I thought he was being silly (though he pointed out my disappointment when my sister was proposed to only a couple weeks after me), but after that dream now I'm feeling that way too. I don't want to feel like this. Of course I want my brother to be a daddy. And I'd love for our baby's cousin to be so close in age. But I also want to feel special, even if I don't get to carry the baby myself... Does that even make sense?

it's roughly 9:30pm as i write this now...roughly that translates to 39 hours, or 2340 mins, or 140,400 secs before i start a new countdown...why does everything worth wating for take so long?

Toussus le noble, France - Fall 08

Alone, looking to the ground, facing the sky. Last wall before emptiness, getting lost, being removed. Get ready to be, or die, right here, in the sky, in the wood, nowhere.

I proposed going out to Olive Garden because I was in the mood for pasta that I didn't have to make, but I wasn't in the mood to pay too much. Plus, Olive Garden isn't so high scale that we'd have to dress up, which was convenient because my mom likes to be super prepared for big dining opportunities and a two-hour pre-meal notice is apparently not adequate enough for maximum preparation.

Unfortunately, Olive Garden is not high scale enough to take reservations. I find this to be pretty ridiculous because almost every time I've gone there, it's been so packed that I've had to wait at least 20 minutes to even sit down, and then even longer to get my food. This time was no different, except that I was with my mom and not one of my laid back friends. We didn't even get to the door. My mom saw the crowd buzzing around the entrance to the restaurant as we drove up to it and literally turned the car around, telling me there was no way she would wait in that melee so that she could get inside the restaurant and wait even longer for her meal. She proposed we go to a different Olive Garden in Roseville instead. It was 6:30 pm on a Saturday night. I told her that there would be a wait no matter where we went, but she didn't want to believe me. So we drove to Roseville and found The Cheesecake Factory which was even more packed. She was shocked to goodness. "They expect us to wait how long to sit down??" Like I said, it's been a while since she's been out to dinner.

The estimated waiting time for The Cheesecake Factory was 45-60 minutes but the girl at the counter told us to check back with her in 35 to see if anything had become available. So we killed some time (and money) at Nordstroms while we waited, and arrived back at The Cheesecake Factory exactly 35 minutes after we were told to check back in. We were told that nothing was available for us yet, and that's when my mom started speeding up her clock. "It's been more than 50 minutes," she told the hostess. I checked my phone for the time and noted that it had definitely only been 35 minutes. Apparently the hostess has some fancy computer program that allows her to check exactly when we checked in first and how long it's been since then. She informed my mom that it had, in fact, been only 35 minutes. Granted, the hostess was kind of a bitch, but I guess it's hard to respond to someone when they're telling you 50 minutes have passed when you know for a fact that only 35 minutes have. My mom kept insisting, but it didn't get her anywhere, so she gave up and we went back to the mall to wander around. We came back in 20 minutes and were told that there was still nothing available. I believed it, because the place was pretty busy, but my mom looked at the hostess as though she had spat out the most inane words in the English language. "This is ridiculous, it's been over an hour and a half!" There goes that clock again. We were told it would be another half an hour then, at which point my mom grabbed the beeper that the restaurant gave me and slammed it down on the counter in front of the hostess. "Thanks for nothing!" And then she stormed out. All I could do was smile to myself and trail along behind her.

We ended up at In N' Out. "What do they have here?" she asked me. "Burgers." "Chicken?" "No, just burgers." She said she'd keep an open mind about it.

She was much more impressed with the service and customer care at In N' Out. "Look, you can see them working and the burgers keep going, I mean this is how it should be!" She was really pleased with the girl that took our order too because she asked us how we were doing (" See, a human being!"). And she thought the burger was tasty ("I don't even have to put salt on it."). Good American times.

Oct 11: General Pulaski Memorial Day
International Newspaper Carrier Day
National Coming Out Day
Reptile Awareness Day
Universal Music Day
Anniversary - Saturday Night Live
Birthday - Eleanor Roosevelt

Oct 12:
Columbus Day (Traditional)
Day of the Six Billion
International Moment of Frustration Scream Day
World Egg Day
Grandmother's Day (Fl)
Dia De La Raza (Mexico)
Discovery Day (Bahamas)
Independence Day (Equatorial Guinea)
Hispanity Day (Spain)
White Sunday (Samoa and American Samoa)

Oct 13: actual columbus day
National Kick butt Day
Navy Birthday

Oct 14: Be Bald and Be Free Day (That would be a funny birthdate for a bald baby!)

Oct 15: National Grouch Day
Support Your Local Chamber of Commerce Day
White Cane Safety Day

Oct. 16: Dictionary Day
Department Store Day
Dictionary Day
Get Smart about Credit Day (hmm maybe by not celebrating Department store day)
International Credit Union Day.
Oct. 17: Mulligan Day and the Loma Prieta Earthquake day.
Mammography Day
Oct 18: St. Luke feast day
World Menopause Day
World Toy Camera Day

Oct 19:
Evaluate your life day
School Teacher Appreciation Day

Oct 20:
Birth of the Bab
World Osteoporosis Day

October 22:
Day of International Concern about Young People and Gun Violence
International Day of Radiant Peace
International Stuttering Awareness Day

Oct 23:
National Mole Day

Oct 24:
International Bandanna Day
United Nations Day
World Development Information Day

 Andrew is out planting wheat today. I don't think I will be calling him to report anything. So I think we are going to have another same old same old weekend.  With tons of questions when we get to church "You are here? Where's the baby?!" Um inside me like usual. Well, according to the midwife the baby should be coming in the next 2 weeks. I think I will start asking for methods to more naturally induce (I would like to avoid pit, cervadil and cytotec if possible) if I go much past 42 weeks. They will do a non stress test/biophysical profile on the baby next Thursday if we are still waiting. The midwife did say she was concerned because there are several women due around the same time as me and who are still waiting. She is wondering if we are all going to go at the same time. Would be a problem because there are only 2 birthing rooms available at the center although they have used spare rooms in a pinch. It just isn't as comfortable. We shall see. Not much you can do about those kinds of details except pray and wait.  For the most part I am just hoping to stay busy this week. I never realized how hard it was these last few weeks of pregnancy. The anticipation really does get to you. That especially combined with everyone else's I am thinking next pregnancy I will state my EDD as later than it really is. Then I won't be such a watched pot! :)

I'm using the past tense here because I sense that the opportunity has closed itself to me. I thought I did well in the interview - I'd prepared answers to almost all the questions they asked. Except one - how will I deal with the relocation if offered the job?

I had done some basic research. I knew how much it was going to be to live in the area. Plus, there is the fact that the transport links are excellent in almost every direction in London. I would be fine, I said. I could live in a cheaper area and just travel more. Bad answer: cos, of course, travel costs would then increase to compensate.

But, in truth, the salary is probably not enough to live in London from the job. £19k a year is only £14.5k net. Rent at £800/month is nearly 2/3rds of my income gone. This was what got me. I felt a bit stupid. I blustered with excuses that I could carry on with freelance work that I get from time-to-time from a friend, and also that I could referee to earn a little extra, but I think the damage had already been done. I looked like I hadn't done my research properly, and that's fatal.

The daft thing is that the salary for the job is actually better than what I would get if I chose to pursue the London MP assistant career. Which is such a bad choice anyway because the progression route is so badly defined. The miserable pay is a result of the huge demand: everyone wants to work there so they reduce the wage. Only the most desperate apply. Am I that desperate?

Anyway, they said I would hear either Friday or Monday. Friday went without a call, but at least I have the weekend off from worrying about it now. In any case, there's nothing I can do. I guess I have to keep looking. There can't be many people who get their job at their first interview, anyway. I knew I wouldn't be that lucky. I never am.

The day itself was actually a lot of fun. Travelling by train is always something I enjoy (as long as I get a seat!), especially now I've got an MP3 player. The time just flies by. The weather was excellent, and I even got a chance to sit in the park for a little while before hand to prepare myself for the interview. It's a very nice area. I really would have liked the job - it would have suited me perfectly, I think.

If I don't get it, I'm going to have to reassess my position. Maybe my experience is just not good enough to apply for these kinds of jobs. I feel like I'm trapped in the old circular logic: to get experience you need experience. No one advertises their post saying "Inexperienced PA required immediately!".

In any case, if I don't get it I don't think I'll be doing any more applying for jobs a long way away unless they offer to reimburse my expense. It cost me £70 in total, train fares, taxi fares. And I did a lot of walking. It was a nice little adventure, a nice break from sitting here all day, but I could do that anywhere and it wouldn't cost me so much money.

The waiting game is on hold until Monday. I'm sure I'll be put out of my misery then.

UPDATE: A few minutes after writing this post a rejection letter turned up. Oh well - at least I didn't have to wait all weekend after all!

On the good side of this is that I've been getting a lot of photography work, which is making the restaurant look like my second job instead of vice versa.  Oh, don't get me wrong.  I'm not even close to being in a position to leave the restaurant industry.  But... it really is nice to be making more from my degree than from my ability to pour iced tea.

Politics at the restaurant are becoming heated, and for once I don't mean internal politics.  Two nights ago Manager Tron and Host Drew, both handsome, gentle, sweet (flamingly) gay men started having a shouting match about politics at the host stand-- at about 9:00 pm, which is still "open for business" in our world.  Tron is the definition of a conservative Republican while Drew is as far left as Democrats get.  The thing that struck me funny about all this (other than the ranting and name calling, which was hilarious in itself) is that one of the big issues they were arguing about was abortion rights.  (Maybe I'm the only one who thinks that gay men aruging about abortion rights is funny; but damnit, it's funny.)

Things have been pretty quiet otherwise.  I'm growing extremely familiar with my camera backpack and the various pockets-- probably because I've been wearing it more often than not as of late.  It's fall, and this means one other thing: the only television shows I like are back on.  Conveniently enough, Boyfriend decided that now would be a good time to outfit our only flat-panel-television-less room with a beautiful new Samsung, so we can each watch something in a different room and even have a room left over for guests and/or hobos.  Sweet.

Hopefully something interesting will happen at work tomorrow-- like making a ton of money.  I will definitely post if I make a ton of money.  Now, however, is time to go make all the TVs function with the new cable boxes Boyfriend picked up this afternoon.  And then... ice cream.  Nite nite.

Mae Linat © 2008

I plan to lay low this weekend. Not much on the schedule. I was going to go shopping for a new laptop, but with the financial markets being what they are, I think maybe it would be best not to do any unnecessary spending. Who knows what will happen. I may bring the kids to a pumpkin patch if the weather cooperates, not that that is "necessary spending" but it is a heck of a lot cheaper than a new laptap. Hopefully I can get some organizing and cleaning done this weekend too. Maybe that's the nesting instinct kicking in??

There have been a lot of things swimming around in my head lately. I've been listening to NPR too much....my head hurts from thinking about all the crap going on right now with the economy, the war and politics.

**WARNING - POLITICAL PARAGRAPH HERE - SKIP IF YOU WANT TO** I have never brought up politics on my blog - mostly because I hate talking about it and reading about it. I don't even know who I'm going to vote for. I feel like I'm choosing between the lesser of two evils. Same as the last election. I wish there were more candidates to choose from. Why only two? This is the most important job in the United States government and we only get to choose between two candidates that were chosen by two political parties. I know why, but I'm just sayin'. There are reasons that I think sometimes I just cannot vote for Mc*Cain (was his wife really wearing an outfit priced at over $300,000? and did he really say that he considers wealthy people those who are worth over $5million??? yes to both), but then there are other reasons that I think I can't vote for Ob*ama (the idea of bigger government & more mandates). I like Ob*ama - he's smooth, smart, and handsome. I think Mc*Cain strikes out in two of those three areas. Okay, only the smart part really matters to me, but you know what I mean. Mc*Cain has Ob*ama licked on the war stuff in my book though. And then there's the whole unqualified trophy VP pick. What was he thinking? I just don't know.

Okay, back to other stuff. I have no new updates on my adoption. Still waiting for my I600 approval. I know of another family I'm pretty sure is past their 60 working days from the same province as me. I was hoping that they would investigate mine at the same time as them, but I wonder when they are even going out there. I'm hoping soon. I just want to get G~ home. He's seven months old now. I want to know how he is, what he is doing, does he have teeth, is he eating any solids yet, are there any medical issues coming up, etc. I just want to get to him and get to know him. The waiting STINKS.

I blew my diet last weekend, struggled with things until yesterday, but am now back on track. I have not lost any more than the first 6 pounds, but I have not gained any either. Whew.

WORKING DAYS SINCE I600 ACKNOWLEDGMENT: 12

So last night I still wasn't sure if I could make it to work with the pain I was in. I finally decided that I would go no matter what so I could save the sick day for later. I knew it would be a fairly light day and sitting at home would probably just make me stir crazy anyway. Well, before school even started one of my coworkers was asking if I knew how many had fertilized. I told her I hadn't heard yet and that I'd let her know once I did... She stopped by again at the end of her conference period to ask. Still nothing... She saw me again at lunch, and still nothing. She said "I don't understand why you haven't heard yet. If I were you I'd be calling." So I did call. But didn't get to talk to anyone, just leave a message. After leaving the message I called N and complained to him about not having heard anything yet. He calmed me down and made me see reason (darn him! ;) ), then I went about trying to get some actual work done.

Only moments before I had a class coming my cell phone buzzed. It was them!!! As soon as I got off the phone I called N to tell him. His reaction was "Seriously? Sixteen? Are you sure?" When I confirmed he said "So how many 'tuplets' is that?" He also teased that we should tell LD we were going to transfer all of them. I said "I don't think so!" When I got off the phone with him I texted LD to let her know. Her reaction: "Oh my goodness! Yea!" I told her N's "tuplets" comment and she said "It ain't happening!" LOL

Needless to say, it was hard to concentrate the rest of the day. I forced myself to get some work done, but I sure did want to go running through the halls announcing it to the world! ;) Of course, running at that point would have been out of the question. Even if my heart allowed it, my bruised uterus would have protested. I'm still quite sore. I spent a lot of the day at my desk with a heating pad on my tummy. :(

I got home about 45 minutes ago and LD had already updated TOSS about the embaby count. So now they're all teasing that we're going to have three, or even four. To them I say "pppbbbbb!" While I realize we appear to be pretty darn fertile, I refuse to think that we could end up with more than the two we're willing to put in. God doesn't give you more than you can handle, and I don't think we could handle a litter! I don't want to be outnumbered! :o

McBean is showing no more signs of imminent arrival.

I'm tired and uncomfortable but once more resigned to the waiting game.

I can't wait to see his little face, to count his toes and hold him in my arms.  I can't wait to see him being cuddled by his Baba, and exclaimed over by his excitable big sister. I can't wait until his tangible presence completes our family and we are afforded the privilege of getting to know who he is, and of watching him grow and develop and learn.  I can't wait to love him even more than I do already.

It has to be soon.

you're leaving
will you even think of me?

i'll miss you

Mae Linat © 2008

I thought it would be so neat to have the baby on 10-10-08 but we shall see. This baby just may want to be "fashionably late".

I do not ever remember it being like this when I was growing up and keeping Guinea Pigs.

I have come back into the hobby of keeping Guinea pigs after a 20 year lay off, due to raising my own off spring and lifes little trials.
I started boarding Guinea Pigs for clients this summer at eazyPet and just fell in love with piggies all over again.
I bought 7 piggies, 6 sows and a boar, all long hair Coronets. Three of the sows are too young to be mated so they just sit, eat and look georgous.
This is Rosie.

This is Cappa

This is Chino

This is my boar Black Jake, I know he is not jet black but I am a Black Adder fan and he just looked like a Black Jake.

I put the 3 older sows Ginge, Latte and Pippi with the boar as soon as they arrived with me at the end of July.
Black Jake has done his stuff and I now have 3 sows pregnant and eating for 20 not the few they are carrying around.

Ginge is now wider than she is long and just seems to be holding out all the longer, as I get more impatient.
She is funny when she tries to fit down a play tube under he wide load does not fit.

Latte is carrying them very close and I think there are two babies, it has got to the stage where I can feel legs.

Pippi is also carrying them close but looks stunning through her pregnancy.

Getting the word from a publisher that he wants to publish my book was a real buzz. Waiting for that response was totally distracting. My mind would not do anything of consequence in the waiting time.

But then something else happened. He told me the contract was on its way. Oh, no. The next round in the waiting match. It took several days for the big fat envelope to arrive. Guess what my mind did between the sending and the receiving. Nothing. That's what it did. Nothing.

Well, I'm now reading my way through sixteen pages of technical jargon and legal wordery. What fun that is.

It is just as well my mind has turned itself on again.

i watched the debate tuesday... and it sounded just like the debate that they had on friday (2 weeks prior). the husband and i go t a bit upset... of course there might be new people watching... duh! but seriously, they even answered questions word for word... damn. i am so sick of hearing what obama or mccain will not do for me. i am sick of hearing the bashing. stick to the facts, keep the bigger picture in mind... not the chance at a petty blow.

i also am having a really HARD time believing mccain... not because someone is calling him a liar... but because his view on the economy BEFORE the crisis was the COMPLETE opposite than it is now DURING the crisis... every single speech he gave BEFORE was positive, and NOW it is negative... it was recorded and viewed on national tv... before the crisis i could look at him and listen... and now i look at him and only think... what the f@#k!, you totally just contradicted yourself...

i mean... we all are capable of changing our minds... we all have that right... we are also capable of growth and learning from our mistakes, god please let us learn from our mistakes... but this is different... i understand that if he didn't change his stand point he would be seen as a delusional freak-a-zoid... but seriously... only 2 mindsets are possible before the instant contradiction... 1. either he WAS delusional before and he really, really thought our economy was okay... 2. he was LYING to the american people the whole time and he knew it wasn't okay... either way, tis no bueno.

and i know he kept saying, "the fundamentals of our economy are stable"... i know what the word fundamental means... however, he didn't care to add a "but" or a "however"... which tells everyone that the word fundamental involves the whole economy... if he really thought the economy was sound at the fundamentals only and not the whole... then he would have stated that... so when the economy did need a bailout, he wouldn't look like he had been delusional or lying during the race.

i am not saying obama is better than mccain... i am saying that mccain just royally f@#ked up and people noticed.

i also remember a time when john mccain was "the guy"... hell, even rolling stone was trying to get him elected in the primary back in 2000... it seems as though either he has completely changed or that he forgot who he "is" (then again he was running against bush). maybe at the beginning of this race he was just doing what he was told... tell them everything is fine... tell them you want to keep fighting... taxes will be cut... oil will be drilled off shore... the economy is great... tell them because they are too stupid to find out themselves and too lazy to do anything about it when they find out you lied.

so i guess it is an easy move to just change... because no one was paying attention anyway.

For those of you who don't know me, and for those of you who do, it is no surprise that I am one of the most terrible waiters in the world. I hate delays. I want it now, and I want all of it. I do not want to wait for the process to take place, I see the end results from the beginning, and that is where I want to go. Straight to the end result. I'm an all or nothing person, and when I'm ready to move, it grates me to feel as if I am being held back, because I can see the big picture, and I am always ready to act on it.

For me, waiting is like driving a Ferrari whose handbrake is stuck on hold.

Last night, my husband and I had a discussion about my discouragement, my sense of being stuck, my frustration over being forced to wait, my need to continue in a situation that I've been done with for a long time, when all I really want to do is cut and run. It's an old conversation.

So what's that got to do with wine? Well, wine takes time to ferment and it takes time to mature. Drink it too soon, and it's bitter. Drink it too late, it's vinegar. You have to drink it at the right time. 

So, this morning, my husband left a blog open for me to read. Our friend, Christine Sine, authoress of the blog 'Godspace', and who is the CEO of MustardSeed Associates, penned a beautiful liturgy on trusting God in times of economic crisis and recession, and she provided a lovely meditation to go with her liturgy. The reading and pondering filled my glass with new wine.

Does it mean I am happy about the wait? Not. But Christine's thoughts have helped.